How I know I'm Worthy

April 28, 2010
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My ear pressed against dark-stained oak
I await the soothing ripple of vocal power against vocal power
How difficult it would be to sleep without knowing you are both still there
Still together
Still waiting
For me
It may creep up like an insidious disease
A slimy worm inching beneath my skin
Or it may come all at once
Like fireworks
Blue and red stars appearing to just miss my face in the dark sky
How I cherish the sound of every smashed coffee mug
And the tiny pfoof of sheets of paper thrown across the room and landing on the floor
The reassuring blanket of clamber that warms me on the coldest of nights
Thank you for letting me know just how much you care

I know that it’s hard on you
To sometimes go for days with a sore throat and ghosty voice
But I have never felt a happier moment
Then when I hear your clodding footsteps up the stairs
And down the hall
And the twisting knob
When I run back to my bed
Just enough time before you spot me
(I always pretended to be asleep, you know)
I nearly want to cry, but I know how to level my expression
As you kiss me on the forehead
Tell me goodnight, and I love you
Before whispering the sweetest words I will ever hear (although you will never know)
“It’s worth it, for you”

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