April 14, 2010
You support me.
I will be a support.

Verb: to support.
To comfort through minute acts that clear the enveloping haze
By attending and cheering at my tennis tournaments and congratulating me even if I lose
By listening to my problems (though they might be petty) and feeling my pain
By holding my hand if I’m depressed and acting as my personal sun:
constant, reliable, and full of warmth.

To be my backbone when the winds shake my frame,
a sturdy reminder of who I am. Remind.
Remind me to start each day with a positive outlook,
To work hard, to smile.
Teach me how to accept and confront change,
How to be a leader: selfless and generous.
Teach me how to be a support.

I wonder,
How should I support others?
How do I support my sisters when I fight with them so often?
How do I encourage my sisters
When I’m the first to tell them that they’re being annoying whenever they sing too loudly?
How do I listen to their problems when I’m so selfishly consumed in mine?
How am I supposed to be their backbone when I also need one?

I know the answer. It’s obvious. Change.
Change your behavior and become the noun: a support.
Become to them what you aren’t right now.

Learn to love their loud, erratic singing.
Learn to do something for them without complaining.
To drive them to their track and tennis lessons and stay to watch them.
Learn to appreciate them. To laugh and cry with them, not fight.
Listen to their problems and provide a solution.
Hear their complaints about friends, school, and life.
Help them resolve their problems, not sink deeper in them.
Communicate. Make them your best friends.
Take at least an hour a day to just talk. To make them laugh.
Don’t let somebody else take your role. As their sun. As their sister.
As their support.

It’s simple,
To say that I must change.
However, in practice, it’s a struggle
To modify the person you’ve been for the last 15 years.

I feel intimidated and overwhelmed.
But I’m not doubtful.
Maybe about college,
But not about whom I want to become.
I know what type of sisters I want us to be.
The kind who have an inseparable bond.
The kind who visit each other almost every weekend.
The kind whose husbands and children are best friends.
I want us to be each others’ oxygen.
I want to support them,
and for them to be my support.

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