The Illusion, The Truth, The Waking Up

April 18, 2010
By sammimarie GOLD, Boonton, New Jersey
sammimarie GOLD, Boonton, New Jersey
12 articles 8 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"i love you."

Thanks to you, I’m broken, never to be whole again.
When you left, you took a part of me with you.
I’m suffocating trying to be happy without you.
Do you not care? Can you not see my pain?
Trusting you was the worst thing for me.
I can’t imagine my life without you there, for me.
You are my rock, my foundation; can’t you see?
All I ever wanted I found in you: perfection incarnate.
Your touch sends electric charges down my body;
I never thought I could love someone this much;
in such a short period of time I lost myself.
You showed me a new level of happiness.
I imbedded my soul into yours, to keep it safe.
I want you to keep it; I have no use for it now.
I’ve been beaten up, torn apart, and tossed to the side.
Yet I can’t stay away from you, it’s unbearable.
The pain of losing you is almost too much to endure.
Your eyes bore into my chest, burning my scarred heart.
How long till you realize what you mean to me?
To me you mean everything; in every sense of the word.
I’ll be yours forever, maybe not all of me, put most of me.

You break me down so I do whatever you want;
I’m not my own person anymore because of it.
All I want is for you to be happy, but its eating at me.
The pain you bring me is incomprehenseable to others.
Everywhere I look, all I see is you; it’s making me sick.
You’ve stripped away every last shred of morality I had.
Look in my eyes, tell me what you see hidden there.
You won’t find real happiness, you’ll find fake bliss.
Yes, I love you with all my heart, but look at me;
These tears I cry are filled with my misery,
All thanks to you and your manipulative ways.
If you think I will ever be the same after you,
You are on some serious drug there buddy.
Drugs, that’s all you are to me anymore.
Your love gets into my veins and spreads everywhere:
affecting my daily functions and realizations.
Your touch bruises my heart each time I feel it.
You’re like a disease, destroying me from the inside out.
I need to free myself from this terrible hold you have on me;
in order to breathe I need to become my own person, again.
I need to see past all of this, so I can one day be whole again.

I’ve come to terms with the fact you lied.
Over and over again, you tampered with my mind.
I can see now what I was really doing to myself.
I created a false universe, with you at the center of it.
Everything you did, I went along with; I let you play me.
Your love wasn’t real, and now I see, how fake you are.
I let you in, showed you who I really was, but it wasn’t enough.
Your fragile ego couldn’t handle someone like me, I guess.
I saw you as the perfect human for me, you proved me wrong.
Oh, how you proved me wrong; you can’t make up your mind.
It doesn’t matter how much you hurt me, as long as you’re happy.
All you care about is yourself, everyone can see that.
These things you do these words you speak; they make me hate you.
They make me never want to talk to you again.
How would you feel about that, could you handle losing me entirely?
All I ever wanted was to love you; all I ever wanted was to be loved by you.
But this, this is where I draw the line; I’m throwing us away, for good.
All those precious memories, they mean nothing to me now.
I’ve realized I CAN be happy without you, without your lies.
I can see through the pain you’ve caused me, and see hope.
You broke me down; cut me up good, just like I always knew you would.
You cut me up like some kind of pretty paper snowflake;
See how beautiful I can be, without you here.
It’s not that I still love you; I just finally woke up from the illusion.
Don’t take this personally, like know you will,
I’m just doing what you want me to: moving on, without you.

The author's comments:
I used to live in a fantasy world, thinking that the person i loved could never hurt me, then i realized all he did was hurt me and i woke up from the dream and faced reality.

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