Invisible restraints

April 16, 2010
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One instance of recognition
Followed by many moments of doubt
Left me wandering back for truth
But the shadow of your face had disappeared
Was it really you
Or my perverse mind playing tricks
The lines of your face etched in my mind
From a time when I couldn’t even remember
Figments of my imagination dancing away
Products of a photograph
A girl not yet a woman
Holding a baby
Who is she now? Where is she now?
Was she the woman in the aisle,
Who caught my eye as I passed by?
Or was that a desperate attempt
For a girl not yet a woman
To find some sense in this world
When parts can make a whole again
Eighteen years ago she held me in her arms
And rocked me to sleep
Yesterday my Aunt looked into my face
Only restrained by the bonds of doubt
She may be around the next corner
Or millions of miles away
But I’ll never know
For I didn’t ask

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MercedesXO said...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 11:31 am

woww. i love this!! this is incredible and i can relate in sooo many ways. if you don't mind me asking (and if you do i dont wanna make you uncomfortable so you certainly don't have to answer), but i was just curious, who you thought that that girl had been?

i am adopted and about two years ago i was at a parade and my fam and i went to mcdonalds. and when i turned around i came face to face with me 19 year old birth brother (i was probably about 14) and i hadn't seen him since i was i... (more »)

MercedesXO replied...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 11:32 am
my bad i meant *my ADOPTED mother wouldn't let me go see him..big difference haha
Miseltoe replied...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 1:32 pm
I thought it was my aunt. My sperm donor has been in jail most my life, so i dont know him, but when i was young my aunt use to hold me and play with me. I have a bunch of pictures, but I was one and half so I dont remember. BUt this person looked so much like an other version of the girl in the picture. And had a feeling thats who she was and we made eye contact but neither of us said a word. So the one chance i get n i blow it.
Miseltoe replied...
Aug. 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I thought it was my aunt. My sperm donors been in jail almost all my life, so i dont know him and he doesnt know about me. But my aunt knew me when I was a baby. She use to hold me and play with me. I dont remember but I have lots of pictures of her. And this person I saw made eye contact with me and it was just too much of a coincedence to think it wasnt her. If we jump and we look stupid that feeling will last for a second, but if we fail to grasp the chances we have we'll remember forever. (w... (more »)
MercedesXO replied...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 8:56 pm

wow. thank you for sharing part of your story with me:) i appriciate it. and yeah i know exactly what you mean. and i COMPLETELY agree with you. like, if you never do it and take that leap of faith, you're always left with "what if", and that is LITERALLY like the worst ever. it sucks:( and i'm sorry you'll never know. but maybe you could find your aunt someday? like search for her. i'd be sooo happy for you if you did. then you could have closure and know.

but yeah, my mom's very..dif... (more »)

Miseltoe replied...
Aug. 6, 2010 at 3:50 pm
thats aweful. I hope one day i actually do meet my aunt but its unlikely however i am searching for my sperm donor bc i can get a few scholarships if i prove my heitage and finding him is pretty difficult but im pretty sure if i find him i might find her.
MercedesXO replied...
Aug. 12, 2010 at 11:49 pm
woww. i hope you find them both:) that'd be great and i really hope everything works out for you!
Miseltoe replied...
Aug. 13, 2010 at 9:29 am
Thanks, =) I hope one day ur fostermother will realize that ur brother will also play an important part in ur life. I know sometimes I cant stand my brothers but when my oldest brother dies two yrs ago I realized, that every moment I spend mad at them is a moment I have lost on the end.
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