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Is Pain the Answer
With the moon glistening on this dark,dead frigid night,
I stand alone; confused, and wondering
What do I do?
Let the pain continue, or run from fear
He is my enemy, the one that creates fear non-stop
There is no savior for me,
I am a lonely child stuck in a jungle full of disaster
Does anyone care? Will anyone stop my pain from continuing?
I am alone; I have no friends, no family that dares to care.
Will the abuse continue? I am only five
A lonely five year old that is weak, not strong and has no control like him
I do not know what love is, I have no one here for me
I want to leave, but how?
I just want this beginning of my pain to end
But will it ever?
I just want a friend, family that cares,
And most of all the pain to be done
He lives off fear; he is the monster under your bed
He is my personal boogie-man
The one who reaps every day and every night
I want someone to take me away,
Away from this hell I live in
Who can live in this environment?
My life is full of fear, and he is the one who feeds off of it
He is a demon, he is no god, no savior, but a life sucking demon
He is a father, but not mine, but to live with him is murder
I may be five and I know the consequences of life and death, but I want him to die, to stop breathing, just to end my pain
I have never had a birthday party,
Or a real Christmas with presents, candy, or even Santa Claus
Was I bad? What did I do to deserve this?
Why didn’t Santa come and give me what I wished for,
What I deserve?
Year after year I would write Santa a letter asking for one special gift.
I wanted a childhood, with no pain, but friends, and love
Why didn’t mommy do anything to stop the boogieman?
Why was I left alone, beaten, harassed, and humiliated?
I just want a life that I can love
I want to be a child, not an adult
I have never met my biological father
Was he better than “Him?”
Could he be my savior?
But he never came, ever…
I still wonder today, what it like is to have a childhood.
This moon glistening in the dark sky, so beautiful
It has seen what I have been through,
The moon is my only friend.
It is the one that understands
The one that listens
The one that see's
And as the stars shine bright and high
I realise I am not alone
Maybe someone does care.
Can take me away from here, but who?
My wish came true; Santa came!
He understood, he listened.
I got my first Christmas!
I got friends, love, and the pain is gone
Is this my dream come true?
I don't have to see his face
I don't have to hear his voice, his yells, his screams
I don't have to feel pain.
He is away, he is gone, he is away