Is Pain the Answer

April 13, 2010
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With the moon glistening on this dark,dead frigid night,

I stand alone; confused, and wondering

What do I do?

Let the pain continue, or run from fear

He is my enemy, the one that creates fear non-stop

There is no savior for me,

I am a lonely child stuck in a jungle full of disaster

Does anyone care? Will anyone stop my pain from continuing?

I am alone; I have no friends, no family that dares to care.

Will the abuse continue? I am only five

A lonely five year old that is weak, not strong and has no control like him

I do not know what love is, I have no one here for me

I want to leave, but how?

I just want this beginning of my pain to end

But will it ever?

I just want a friend, family that cares,

And most of all the pain to be done

He lives off fear; he is the monster under your bed

He is my personal boogie-man

The one who reaps every day and every night

I want someone to take me away,

Away from this hell I live in

Who can live in this environment?

My life is full of fear, and he is the one who feeds off of it

He is a demon, he is no god, no savior, but a life sucking demon

He is a father, but not mine, but to live with him is murder

I may be five and I know the consequences of life and death, but I want him to die, to stop breathing, just to end my pain

I have never had a birthday party,

Or a real Christmas with presents, candy, or even Santa Claus

Was I bad? What did I do to deserve this?

Why didn’t Santa come and give me what I wished for,

What I deserve?

Year after year I would write Santa a letter asking for one special gift.

I wanted a childhood, with no pain, but friends, and love

Why didn’t mommy do anything to stop the boogieman?

Why was I left alone, beaten, harassed, and humiliated?

I just want a life that I can love

I want to be a child, not an adult

I have never met my biological father

Was he better than “Him?”

Could he be my savior?

But he never came, ever…

I still wonder today, what it like is to have a childhood.

This moon glistening in the dark sky, so beautiful

It has seen what I have been through,

The moon is my only friend.

It is the one that understands

The one that listens

The one that see's

And as the stars shine bright and high

I realise I am not alone

Maybe someone does care.

Can take me away from here, but who?

My wish came true; Santa came!

He understood, he listened.

I got my first Christmas!

I got friends, love, and the pain is gone

Is this my dream come true?

I don't have to see his face

I don't have to hear his voice, his yells, his screams

I don't have to feel pain.

He is away, he is gone, he is away

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becks said...
Jun. 18, 2010 at 4:28 pm
i lovei t wifey! its amazing and im glad ur into writeing again!!! ^^
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