Fix the Pain

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
Something new in this time
An eclipse of the purity of rhyme
Your head is the factory
Your heart makes the fantasy

Something to fix this pain
An option to stay sane
A rainbow light everlasting
Or a cell of darkness abiding

In your factory called a head
The poison starts to spread
Just need something to fix this pain
To help you stay sane

Your head is the factory
Your heart makes the fantasy
There are two paths you must choose one
The darkness of depths or the light of the sun

In your factory called a head
The poison starts to spread
Wishing you were dead
As you start to dread

What it’s going to take
To fix the things you break
Something to fix the pain
To help you stay sane





Join the Discussion

This article has 15 comments. Post your own now!

Sultana said...
May 15, 2010 at 10:12 pm
This is veryyyy well written. I felt like as the piece progressed, I was being torn apart slowly between the two sides, with a fading into black a the end. This gave me the chills. I enjoyed it a lot.
 
HeronHero replied...
May 15, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Yay!!!!This is one of my personal favorites so thanks for commenting!I'm glad you like it!:)
 
Brian_Lambert said...
May 12, 2010 at 9:59 pm

Wow... This sounds like something i would expect from myself, or maybe Marilyn Manson (Don't worry because I compared you to him... i do it to almost everybody for some reason)

 

This is very deep and well written. While reading this i found myself thinking of my own life, and times in it that i felt this way.  For some reason i got the feeling of (again) Marilyn Manson...  It's hard to explain, but he is my Idol, and for me to compare you so closely to him seems ... (more »)

 
HeronHero replied...
May 13, 2010 at 5:06 pm
Well I've never heard that one before!lol I don't really listen to Marylin Manson nor do I know much about him.....but I'll try to take it in the best way possible. When it comes to Metal influences, I like Led Zepplin and Alice in Chains.....I'm glad you like it though and can relate, that's the best compliment to me!:)
 
dreamer_believer said...
May 11, 2010 at 9:58 am
awesome job (: wow. this is so deep, and there's soo much emotion. i can easily relate, and i like how the poem has a nice flow (: great job!! would you mind commenting on some of my work? (: thanks. keep writing!!
 
HeronHero replied...
May 11, 2010 at 2:19 pm
Thank you! I'm so glad you relate, and I would love to check your stuff out!:) Btw No worries, I don't plan to ever stop!;)
 
BoosflashThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 7, 2010 at 8:53 pm
very nice...if you're really obsessed with fixing the pain you should read "the architect" by mattrgrs. it would persuade you in another direction. once again-very nice work.
 
HeronHero replied...
May 10, 2010 at 8:02 pm
thanks so much, and I'll deff check it out!:)
 
Mimi8 replied...
May 12, 2010 at 9:30 pm
I like it. I think you should try writing a non-rhyming poem (just a suggestion) for something new.
 
HeronHero replied...
May 13, 2010 at 5:14 pm
I've already written poems that don't rhyme, I prefer free verse and honestly when I wrote this I was'nt trying to rhyme it just happened. Haiku is a really fun one to me! I'll be sure to post some non-rhyming poetry if that's what you really want...... you say you like it what do you like?! Also what do you not like?!:)thanks for commenting!:)
 
Here-to-be-hear replied...
May 13, 2010 at 7:16 pm

The second and fourth stanza's were off beat 

Second :: "A rainbow light everlasting/ Or cell of darkness abiding" (Edit and revise)

Fourth:: "There are two paths you must choose one/ The darkness of depths or light of the sun"

 

SOooo heres what I think you should do with it

Second:: "A rainbows light everlasting/ Or a cell of darkness disconsorting  (It has to flow in a pattern think syllables)

 

Fourth:... (more »)

 
Mimi8 replied...
May 13, 2010 at 8:48 pm
I really like that it flows and it has so much emotion. What I don't like is the rhyming pattern because it does not stay the same. Thanks for the comments on my work.
 
HeronHero replied...
May 14, 2010 at 1:12 am

Here-to-be-here thanks for the critic I'll take what you said into consideration.

Mimi thanks and it's meant to be free verse and that's how free verse is supposed to be....but I'll post some poems that aren't free verse and you can tell me what you think!:) Dido!:)

 

 
Mimi8 replied...
May 14, 2010 at 6:59 am
 belive that free verse can be wha you want it to be. Have you read the book Witness?? that is free verse, and it doesn't have to rhyme. 
 
HeronHero replied...
Nov. 25, 2010 at 10:32 pm
Exactly! Free verse is whatever you want it to be... I've yet to read that book but I'll have to check it out. ~Thanks
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback