Shower Tree

April 8, 2010
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"


Flowers bloom in the middle of May

Just to die in late December

No matter what you do or say

They shall be doused like water on hot embers

5
Into the darkness

Into the night

Here there is no best

In this place that knows no light


Relinquish the thoughts from your head
10
Let go of flowers dying

Of loved ones already dead

There is no use in trying

To take back what was once said


Bang, Pow, Boom
15
Wars of life going on

Flowers fall in the gloom

Never again to see the dawn


Yellow flowers swept

Torn from dying trees
20
Never to be kept

Never to be seen


The author's comments:
i don't like the fourth stanza

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This article has 6 comments.


on Jul. 25 2010 at 5:09 pm
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

i can't change it after i post it

... it's the worst part... so retarded to post it  

anyway i had to use onomonopea for school... think that's how to spell it... haha   i will check your stuff out right now


on Jul. 25 2010 at 3:02 pm
sleeplessdreamer PLATINUM, Raleigh, North Carolina
30 articles 0 photos 332 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I have always wanted to write in such a way that people say, 'I have always thought that but never found the words for it.'" -anonymous

This is great... for the most part. Why in the world didn't you cut that fourth stanza out? Because, you are right, it's kind of the eyesore of the poem, you know? (Not meaning to rub salt in the wound or anything.) Still, very good poem... The flow was a lot better in this one than the one I just read.

 

Hey, could you read some of my work and tell me what you think???


on May. 31 2010 at 12:48 am
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

i really don't like the fourth stanza   but thanks fat cow

Fat cow said...
on May. 30 2010 at 9:29 pm
One of my all time favs, best ive ever heard. 

on May. 7 2010 at 10:47 pm
amicrazyorisitjusteveryoneelse PLATINUM, Kula, Hawaii
48 articles 0 photos 198 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everything you dream is real and everything real is a dream"

blah.. still dont like ittt

on May. 6 2010 at 5:16 am
hxcRocker DIAMOND, Haiku, Hawaii
59 articles 2 photos 88 comments
i understand why you don't like the forth stanza but you actually made the onomatopoeia work, Another good poem  


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