Mirror, Mirror

April 4, 2010
By , Glendale, AZ
I let them down.

I knew I was letting them down.
Yet I kept doing it.

I know I did it.

I know why.
What’s done is done.

I can’t change the fact that it happened.

And happened.

And happened..

And happened…

And again,

And again.
What I can change though,

I can change ever doing it again.
I know now that those people…

Those people actually care about me.
Those people actually love me.

Those people actually want to help me.
They’re what I’ve been looking for,

For so long.
They changed my life.

They changed how I am,

What I do,

How I act,

How I handle situations.
They’re what I’ve been needing.

To get away from the other people in my life:
The people that don’t care about me.

The people that don’t love me,
The people that don’t want to help me,

The people who just make the situations worse,

By yelling.


thinking they know everything.
Because they’re afraid to face the facts.

Afraid to see what is in front of them.
Afraid to accept who I really am.

Afraid to let me become,

The one she doesn’t want me to become
Keeping me from being myself,

Cutting me off from reality,

Wanting me to be perfect,
Perfect in her eyes… a mini-her.

That’s not what I want to be.

Why can’t she see that?
Why can’t she see through the cover ups,

Through the lies,

Through the mirror?
See what she says,

See what she’s doing to herself,

See what she’s doing to me,

See what she’s doing to us.
She blames it all on him:

The breaking of the family.
It’s not his fault.

He hasn’t done anything wrong.
I wish she could see that.

I wish she could wake up.

Wake up

From this fairy tale dream

She is trying to live.

Because it’s just not working.

It’s not going to work.

It’s never going to work.

Why can’t she accept that?

Accept me?

Accept us?
Why can’t she look through the mirror,

Instead of the perfect picture she’s painting over the mirror,

To cover up what she’s been hiding.

To cover up who I am,

Who I was,

Who I’ve become,

And who I’m going to be.
It’s her fault…

The cutting.
She’s the reason why.

She’s the reason why I started,

And the reason why I kept doing it.
But damn am I glad I found those people:

The ones that care about me,

Love me,

And want to help me,

Help me get through this:

Help me get through her.
And I did.

I looked in a mirror,

And I saw…
I saw:

What I was,

Call me what you want.
A cutter? Emo? Suicidal?

What I had become:

Something she made me.

What she didn’t want me to become… everything that I am now.

What she was doing to me.

Killing me:

My soul,

My ability:

Ability to be myself.

Ability to live life

My heart,

The power to love,

She killed all of this in me.

That’s when I saw.

Saw the changes I wanted to make.

The changes I needed to make.

The changes that she couldn’t control anymore.
The changes that I have completed,

The changes that have made my reflection in the mirror,

A completely different person.

A new person.

No more looking into the mirror

And seeing what she had made me.

Because that person,

That person that she had made me,

Isn’t there anymore.
That person

Might still be there.

That person

Might be hiding.

But until that person appears again,

I am going to convince myself
That that person,

Doesn’t exist anymore…

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