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Hurting Me, Effortlessly

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Holding in these tears
That have been hiding in my emotionless eyes
Trying to heal from the agony
That has been caused by your thoughtless lies.

Nothing I seem to do
Is enough for you anymore
Every time I try to please you
I'm left off even worse than I was before.

Can anyone see through this fake disguise?
Does anyone even know why I'm this way?
All these horrid memories
Leave me acting the way I do today.

Everything ends in disaster as far as I know
There has been no happy endings that I've had
Every single time I thought it would
A dagger is pushed into my soul a tad.

I should have known better and protected myself
Kept myself from the hurt I have endured
I have wished that one day I'd wake up from this dream
That's what I would have preferred.

Please, O Lord, help me be a better person
More protective of letting out my deep secrets
Being real or pretending, either one
Will never keep me from being hurt.




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SamiLynn said...
Sept. 19, 2010 at 4:44 pm:
Wow, I felt like this exactly the other day! Really well written, I like your rhythm in all your poems :)
 
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Still_Waters26 said...
Aug. 8, 2010 at 7:10 am:
Really sad poem, but well-written.  Well done.
 
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CASTROLmatt said...
Aug. 3, 2010 at 10:42 pm:
Wow. This is the best one yet. I really liked it & I could kind of relate to it as well. I really like how you put yourself out there, it's a great quality in a writer.
 
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beautiful_but_torn said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 8:00 pm:

This was absolutly beautiful!

I adored it!

I've felt this exact same way before, Your an amazing writer. Please keep going!

 
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MadAsAHatter... said...
Jul. 15, 2010 at 11:07 am:
Your poetry is so easily relateable for me. Its written so well and so full of emotion. This was just, it was like you were inside my head lol. Great job once again.
 
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hello.beautiful said...
Jul. 3, 2010 at 6:14 am:
You are a very talented writer.
I love the last stanza of this piece, amazing. Keep it up :)
 
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Midnight_Hum This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 22, 2010 at 4:34 pm:

Very good.  Excellent.  I wish you had been this poetically descriptive in your other story.

I especially like the line, "A dagger is pushed into my soul a tad."

Very good.

 
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KokoPebbles said...
May 16, 2010 at 1:03 am:
An amazing poem, the idea and flow are very nice. My only doubt is that in the last stanza you bring religion into this poem. Religion is not only a very controversial subject, but you are asking for help to be a better person? It doesn't exactly match the rest of the poem. Being able to protect yourself doesn't necessarily make you a better person. At least, that is my religious view. GREAT POEM AS-IS! Happy Writing!
 
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RickaTicka said...
May 15, 2010 at 6:51 pm:
I definitely like the way it flows, and the rhyme scheme. It's not a Dr. seuss kinda rhyme, but it still added to the poem. I just feel that it is a bit general. Maybe you intended for it to be, so that it could be more relatable. But it would have been nice to know more about your experience specifically. For instance, "I'm left off even worse than before". How were you left off worse than before? How were you hurt?
 
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SwordGirl said...
May 15, 2010 at 6:06 pm:
This is a really good poem! What made it work for me was the consistent rhyming. I also liked the generalness (or some word that has the same meaning but actually exists) of it. The message could apply to a wide range of relationships, and this made it more relateable.
 
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AvengedJasonFold said...
May 15, 2010 at 10:27 am:
Wow we have like the same style in wrtiting poetry haha! I liked this especially because it uses so many different rhyme schemes.  The false rhyme with disguise/memories in the 3rd stanza was pretty cool. also the fact that pretty much anyone who's ever been in a relationship can relate to this haha. only one thing that kinda looked outta place was "O Lord" instead of "Oh Lord," or Oh God. saying just "O" reminds me of puritains and really old style writing that doesn't go with the rest of ... (more »)
 
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DestinysAgent said...
May 15, 2010 at 9:14 am:
I really liked this, it's very emotional and very powerful.  Excellent work!
 
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~MidnightAngel~ said...
May 14, 2010 at 5:14 pm:
I absulootly love this! Emotions just sepe from it and it flows together perfectly. This is going on my favorits:) Great job!
 
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jonas_chick899This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 14, 2010 at 5:06 pm:
cooool, i can sense that this really came from the heart, i see emotion in this. great work!!
 
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AllYourBase said...
May 4, 2010 at 11:33 pm:

I love this poem. The first line captures my attention straight away, and I'm right there until the end of the poem.

The third line of the fourth stanza is confuzing; maybe use some more words to clarify what you "would"?

I do like how the last line is unrhyming. It leaves a deep, echoing effect, even if it doesn't follow the pattern of the rest of the poem. Nicely done!!! =D

 
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SandyC said...
May 2, 2010 at 9:59 pm:
AMAZING i absolutely loved this..it flowed well, and yu really did a great job of portraying your story and emotions...wuld yu mind reading my story(William's Dream Part 1) and giving me some feedback..i would  to love yur opinion on it
 
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Ekko! said...
Apr. 30, 2010 at 7:38 pm:
I really like this, it flows well and it makes sense, I really like it, please read some of my stuff I think, based on this, you'll like it
 
--LoveHappens-- replied...
May 2, 2010 at 8:57 am :
great just I love the message of it and it flows smoothly. great job please take a look at some of my work and leave a comment on The Pretty One thanks so much
 
UnderstandMEClearlyNOW replied...
May 18, 2010 at 8:32 pm :
loved it!!!!!!
 
minddancer replied...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 11:43 pm :
wonderfully heartfelt!keep it up!
 
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