Hindered Freedom

April 7, 2010
Falter in a discretion
I never agreed to
Shout what I’m not allowed
Scream to make them certain
That this hurts my empty core
A carefully cluttered deception
Of a rainbow heart hidden
Under, “hush down now’s”
Sweet little cover ups
And lies still told condescending
Good intentions when they warn me
That every thought of mine is wrong
Bigotry still growing overthrowing
Overflowing in a home that should be open
Everything I was sure I was feeling
Seems bitterly shallow now
My tongue is oppressed
Every comment suppressed
Leaves me looking haggard
Feeling ignorant and stupid
Every word a little staggered
An insatiable hope dying out
Caving in, crashing down
I’m not supposed to say…
Not supposed to look insulted…
Not supposed to look too interested…
Not supposed to let on…
Keep a tight grip on my pride
My dignified kind of love
Looked down upon denied
Called unsavory, blasphemous
Told I’ll burn in my lust
But I won’t believe a single word
Of what the media displays
What religion says
What anyone would say
I don’t want to care
That they want to plant
The seed of doubt
Inside my stubborn mind
Told it’s just a phase
A pretty phrase of the wrong kind
Of individualism, originality
I will grow out of it
I will so clearly regret it
Descend into a second guess
So full of embarrassment
For the silly things that broke
From a foolish mouth
It was just too rushed…
But isn’t it all?
And isn’t it freedom I should feel?
When I’ve said my part
Spilled to you the contents of a secret
That I wanted to be proud of
That I want to let ring out
For the better things
For being who I am
For being as I am
Not hindered and forbidden
To say this word at all.

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