The troubled

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He was uncontrollable
breaking every girls heart
crashing his way through life
no respect for woman
he will die lonely and sad.





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Challenger101 said...
May 16, 2010 at 8:30 pm
Something else that I forgot to mesion after going through and reading the poem again is that it is going along smoothly, Goofy, and then the last line of the stanza seems to like go somewhere else. Try to really work on running everything smoothly when you write each lin ena dread it over to make sure that it sounds nice and flows well together and is not choppy. :) I'm not trying to "bash" your poem, it's very great, though there is some ways for improvement. EVERYONE always has room to improv... (more »)
 
Challenger101 said...
May 2, 2010 at 10:44 am
Again, I think that this poem is good, but I don't get the meaning of it, and I had to read it over and over again trying to figure it out. I would personally suggest for you to maybe submit a piece that is a long poem. You might be better at longer poems than only one stanza. Play around and try new things with your pieces! Other than that it was pretty well written.......
 
ellemarie replied...
May 16, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I agree, challenger101. It is a little too short, and you do have to read it a few times to understand the meaning, BUT, don't you have to do that with all poems?  Unless it is barebones obvious what it means, poems are meant to be interpreted.  Yours made me do just that.  Question - Goofy, how old are you? You write about some pretty heavy stuff for someone who is in middle school.
 
Challenger101 replied...
May 16, 2010 at 8:26 pm
Okay, now I see what your getting at, ellemarie, but I still couldn't get it (the meaning). But I think that if he were to write a longer poem with more stanzas, he could space out his ideas from the stanza that he has now and spread those ideas out instead of cramming them into one stanza. Does that make sense? He could also explain a bit more about what he really means by writing a longer poem with more detail. But what I like about it is that it has some hidden meaning-I guess you just have t... (more »)
 
ellemarie replied...
May 17, 2010 at 5:48 pm
Yeah, I know what you mean.  About the stanzas.  If it were longer, the ideas wouldn't be so, jumbled.  They would be easier to understand within different stanzas.  Nice how you describe poetry as pointless, though.  I guess that that is true, but poetry is meant to be interpreted differently by every reader, and some poems hold no meaning for some people.  But isn't that true with all writing?  Or any form of art at all?
 
Challenger101 replied...
May 17, 2010 at 6:46 pm
Yeah, you are certainly right about the meaningless part for writing, poetyr and art. I love art , and it is a great example. You have to think of the art peice when you look at it, and some people see things differently. Especially abstract art, or like poems, in this case...btw I go 2 Goofy's school...
 
Goofy replied...
Feb. 8, 2011 at 1:16 pm
Im in 8th grade now, but when I wrote it I was in 7th.
 
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