As I sit there watching the Oscars I think,
Hey! I’m going to be there someday!
Just watch me!
So I better plan the speech out now.
That sounds right, doesn’t it!
So I run to the bathroom and pick up a brush
“I would like to thank the Academy,”
That’s how they always start,
“I would like to thank all the directors
And since I’m too drunk to remember the rest of you...”
That’s an ad in if necessary!
“I would like to thank the supporting actors
And the make-up people and the costume people
And all those other people.
I would like to thank my family and friends.”
Then the music starts to play
Tell you to get off the stage and shut up
“You can’t shove me off this stage!
I earned it! Mahwah!”
(Ok maybe that wouldn’t happen)
As this is all going on in front of my bathroom mirror,
My mother walks in….
“Well, this is awkward. You know mom,
If this was the Oscars, you wouldn’t be on stage with me.”