Why are oranges orange?
That's my favorite color
What caused world war two?
I fell asleep
My name is Chuck Norris
My beard can radiate three suns
I was born on March 4th. Twice
I once squeezed and M&M so hard it turned into a skittle
I ordered a BigMac. At Burger King

Don't be jealous
Or else you will see a roundhouse kick coming at your face at the speed of blink!
Coincidentally, I live in a round house
When I break wind it stays broken
I walk on water
I swim on land
I eat led for lunch
I'm a one-man band
I was once stabbed, the knife bled to death
Children fear me
You fear me

I shave with a John Deere tractor
Underneath my beard is actually a massive swarm of bee's ready to attack at any moment!
I will make your nose bleed, with my mind
My tears cure cancer, to bad I've never cried
My national symbol is a middle finger on fire!
I don't go hunting, I go killing

Ozzy Osbourne bit the head off a bat
I bit the head off batman!
I can slam a revolving door
I can light fire on fire
I will never do any chores
You jump high, I jump higher
I once upward punched a horse in the chin. It's descendants are known as giraffes
If I were any type of tree, I'd be titanium!
I won ninja warrior
My beard won it the year before
I have two new girlfriends every day
I've been inside the Earth's core

My breakfast consists of babies, and rhino. I toured with Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Guns N' Roses, Kansas, ADCD, Aerosmith, VanHalen, and Green Day. All in one night
Some people can walk across hot coals!
I sleep on them
My belly button is actually a nostril, allowing me to smell you up to six miles away
My pants are fire resistant. I'm just too hot for spandex
My skull is double-jointed
My lips and tongue are bone
I have a platinum set of teeth
My beard is made of stone
Random fact: I can strike lightening!

When I have surgery, the anesthesia is applied to the doctors
My name is Chuck Norris
The moon once smiled at me! How nice; so I sent Neil Armstrong up to stab it with the American Flag!
I once git lost in my beard; no need to worry, the national guard found me

My name is Chuck Norris
I turned seventy years old this month, and I ask myself
Why are these jokes about me so, so, so well-known?
I get letters in the mail everyday
Ones saying, "check out this joke"
And ones saying, "Do you really shave with a John Deere tractor?"
My name is Chuck Norris
Stop telling these jokes!
My name is Chuck Norris
I'd like to be thought of as a person, not a piece of laughter
My name is Chuck Norris—
let me rephrase that,
My name is Charles Norris
Thank you, and goodnight