The Never-Ending Wait For You

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You never show up
You're never here
And I'm sitting by the window,
Still waiting,
For just a glimpse of your old red truck driving in
So that I can run outside
shouting, yelling
hug you hello
smiling bright
But you,
You don't even call
On the nights when I'm feeling the maddest,
When my anger overcomes my insecurity, my fears
I call you instead,
And the second right after I'm so grateful to hear your voice,
When you hesitate like you're wondering,
Why in the world are you calling me?
That right there is when I wish to pieces
That I hadn't picked up the phone at all
You're always ready with some reason
Some unavoidable event that's a billion times more important that me
But I'm smarter now
I didn't expect you to come today,
When you kissed me on the cheek and said a million times
You would,
You didn't
And I didn't waste a second pretending
I was surprised
And once upon a time, I thought
You'd bet there for me
I don't know why
It's not like you promised me anything,
Like I had a reason or a
Written,
Spoken guarantee
Like it should've been assumed, acknowledged,
A relationship requirement that came with the package
I learned the first day I met you that
You were not the type of guy to assume
Anything about
But one instance and 2 years seemed to warm my mind to the idea
And now, sitting here
All alone when the night is cold, and the wind whooshes through when the window cracks
I cant help but feel just a little bit
Abandoned
I had hoped you'd liked me enough
To listen
Listen like nobody else ever did
Consider that
I
Might not be as bad as what the rumors said
I had hoped you knew me well enough
To know what I wouldn't do
Maybe even what I would
But you didn't
And so you believed them,
Leaving me in the dust
Like everyone else did
I only hope you know
I'll never be able to catch up
And I wish that you knew
How bad it is
And how sad I am
And how much I need you
How I'm dying
How I'm falling
I only wish that you could pretend
for half a second, pretend that I matter
That you care about me
Because I care about you
But you won't
And you'll never know where I am right now
Never know how badly I'm hurting
Because you sure won't ask
And you'll be gone before I have the chance to tell you





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