Sanity and the Other

Wind and rain,
Pounding down,
Hear the all
Unbroken sound.
Love and life
Hidden now,
Beneath the soft
And soaking ground.
Lost and tormented
Are we all.
Buried so deep
We missed the call.
Hope and loss
So intricately intertwined,
Loss of hope,
Hope of time.
Worn out faces
All around.
Faces caked in dirt
From the ground.
Whispers and cries
Of aching loss.
Now we wonder,
Was it worth the cost?
Dead and breathing
Our broken hearts beat
Beneath the chest
Of broken feats.
The dreams and promises
We all had,
Until we lost
What was truly mad.
Sanity and the other,
Which shall it be?
Both treated with
Such enormity….





Join the Discussion

This article has 8 comments. Post your own now!

IMAdreamerThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 10, 2012 at 7:00 pm
Really well written... It flowed well too. Ps.please check out my work... Thnx =D
 
Inherinerd said...
Jul. 27, 2010 at 3:22 pm
You have a really good flow in this one and i liked your rhyming. Your vocabulary was pretty good and i really like your title. I'm sorry but i can't find anything to critique
 
AvengedJasonFold said...
Jul. 18, 2010 at 2:27 pm

(disclaimer: this is not feedback for feedback. I don't believe in feedback for feedback but since you were so honest I figured your stuff might be good and interesting. And it is. That's why I'm looking at it)

So I'm not really an expert on poetry but I really liked this and I can see that it's meaningful and like Lusis said it has good rythm. It really reminds me of Pete Loefler's lyrics (he's the singer of Chevelle) because they're really awesome, choppy but hardly make sense to me.... (more »)

 
lusis said...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 9:57 pm

Your title immediately caught my eye, and I thought maybe you were referring to "the Other" in terms of philosophy. I can see how it could fit in, although I don't know if it was intentional or not :D

Overall, I love the rhythm to this. The lines are short, but the whole poem's got a nice flow to it. I actually like the "intricately intertwined." Alliteration! I guess the reader just has to read faster mentally, lol. And you have these nice little parallelisms too! Like hope ... (more »)

 
sleeplessdreamer replied...
Jul. 17, 2010 at 10:24 pm
Thanks for the feedback.. yeah, I don't know the exact terms either. I just thought it fit and sounded cool! Hahaha
 
Heathurrlovesyouu said...
Jul. 16, 2010 at 5:19 pm
I really like this piece. I liked the use of bigger words, personally. I get tired of the ho-hum little words. : )
 
EmmaNemma said...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 3:18 pm
This is a really good poem and tells an interesting story. The only thing I would recomend is getting rid of the huge words in certain lines or changing the wording because it makes it so the poem doesn't flow as smoothly. Just a suggestion.
 
banangela29 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 30, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Pretty good, just one hting that bugged me.

the line "so intricately intertwined" doesnt really fit the beat of the rest of the poem. I'm not sure how you could change that to fit, but I'm sure you'll think of something :)

 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback