My insanity has become very clear, transparent if you will. Knowing that things whisper inside your brain, but unaware that they aren't just your concious' constant nagging. It's almost as if you have to speak in a third person... because when you speak of yourself. You may aswell be speaking about the person next to you. Insanity makes you a stranger to yourself. Makes you lose grip of everything you thought you once knew. Makes you want to forget things you thought you needed to learn.Makes everyday a struggle to stay sane. Wisking in and out tying to find out who you really are. It's all insanity that we constantly replay until the end of days. Insanity is waking up in the middle of the night terrified that you know you could die at any second, and you still dont know what happens after you die.Even more so, insanity is sitting there after the unpleasant thought and just shoving it aside, ignoring the painfull truth that is the life we live everyday. Tick tock another day, another month, all for what? Who knows. But within' the questions we fear to reach out and ask and hope for the answers to, is the insanity that has become the lives of every single person. Especially those labeld mentally derranged. I have time until I'm diagnosed. Until the day comes I will just reach out for the answers to the frightening questions and try not to submit to the insanity that numbs my mind, day after day.
March 19, 2010