….I remember you kissing me.
Your lips were thin, and jaunty.
They moved slowly, and I figured
That maybe
I could teach you how to kiss.
I also figured
That you could teach me how to love.
… I remember you holding me.
Both of your long, gangly arms
Wrapped around my torso.
And I thought,
Maybe if I could only enjoy this
As much as you do,
Then I could love you
Like you keep saying I should.
… I remember you smiling.
Smiling,
As you watched me suck down pills.
One by one, gulping them down.
Smiling,
As you watched me cry,
And throw up
From the pain in my stomach.
You took me in your arms,
Your long, gangly arms,
And told me you could cure my pain.
Cure every pain I felt about him.
But until I realized this,
You would keep smiling,
As I kept gulping down pills
And throwing up.
… I remember you screaming.
screaming in my ear,
with that sharp,
un humane squeak of a voice,
crying for my attention,
much like a lost puppy sobbing on the road.
Whispering dark, hateful thoughts
With that scratchy voice of yours,
Telling me lies of the truth.
Telling me hateful remarks,
That were supposedly made
(but never really were)
about myself.
You held me in your arms,
Your long, gangly arms,
And you quieted my whimpers,
And told me I needed no one else,
No one else but you.
You were the only one who loved me in this world.
It would only be fair, to love you back.
… I remember you crying.
Whispering you loved me
More then anybody else ever would.
Screaming and screaming
How I would regret
Ever walking away
From the best thing in my life
Which was apparently you.
You reached out with
Your long, gangly arms
To stop me from walking away.
But I pushed them off
and watched pathetically.
As I veered
From the swears
And the promises
Of how you would never love life
Or colors
Or God if I didn’t walk back
And love you, like I should have done.
But I walked away.
… I remember smiling.
I knew everything would turn out
Just right.