Me without you

March 2, 2010
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The sun without the shine.
The stars without the moon.
The wind without the air.
The song without the birds.
The spark without the fire.
Me without you.

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This article has 11 comments. Post your own now!

hrsegrl said...
Mar. 17, 2010 at 7:50 pm
well, excuse me, but i wrote that by MYSELF... if you have a hard time believing that, 2 bad...
queentabbiecat99 said...
Mar. 15, 2010 at 8:45 pm
i think its very good you don't need a lot of words. it's just how people feel when they lost a love one they don't use a lot of words ether they are in to much pain
Sarbear This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 14, 2010 at 10:16 am
I feel like this needs more. Maybe go in deeper and talk about how you feel without your loved one. Use similes and work into how you feel. I do like simple poems too, but I feel like you left me short. Good job though, and keep writing!!
Make sure you check out my poems too! :-)
taylor_rae said...
Mar. 13, 2010 at 5:34 pm
its a good poem but i doesnt have much emotions in it when i read a poem i like to feel what the author is feeling
starlight26:) said...
Mar. 13, 2010 at 10:40 am
I thin you had a great and meaningfl poem going but I was surprised to see it so short. In my opinon you should have made It a bit longer. Other than that it was wonderful. I can truly relate to it!! :) ~
ird13 said...
Mar. 10, 2010 at 9:06 am
This sounds like the song Without You from the musical Rent. I really like it and it's very true. You should add more stanzas though, but it does convey the emotion well. ^.^
Chelz said...
Mar. 9, 2010 at 12:59 pm
I was okay because it sounded to much like you got it off the internet. You could have put more power in it. But keep it up
chrissmd said...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 9:44 pm
this is impressive. it perfectly describes the feeling so many people struggle to explain in so few words. great job.
hxcRocker said...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 12:35 am
These are my favorite types of poems short but full of emotion. I like it
hrsegrl replied...
Mar. 8, 2010 at 1:19 pm
xoxo: hrsegrl
gennygirl said...
Mar. 7, 2010 at 11:18 pm
i like this, sweet and to the point
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