February 20, 2010
i saw myself for the first time today
eyes rimmed with ashy redness,
shimmered tears glisten against my cheeks,
hair spilling out of my ponytail.

i saw the girl i knew so well
who i loved-
she was falling apart,

i saw myself
and i cried harder.

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LivyFay said...
Apr. 16, 2010 at 11:00 pm
Thanks for your comment-I can understand why you would get annoyed at grammer. But I just wrote this "spur of the moment" when I was upset once-I didn't want to change it because I was trying to capture my mood at the time. (sad, couldn't think straight) I'll be sure to check out your works and thanks for the comment.
thewriteidea This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 16, 2010 at 10:35 pm
this is really good. I like your poems a lot. Just one thing I would suggest: 1- you have some grammar errors, for example "who" instead of "whom." Normally it wouldn't really matter, but since it sort of distracted me I thought I should point it out. Other than that it was a fantastic piece. Nice!
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