dont think that i
Can fight this battle anymore
My war against myself has been lost
And I am weary of fighting
With no cause

I am exhausted from the strain
And heartache
And weak enough to know
How easily I can break

And too afraid
To wait around
For another overwhelming breakdown

Sometimes I have the urge to do it
Just to feel as if I have some
Control over my life story

Sometimes the fear of death
Makes me want to run into the arms of
Death itself

Sometimes the pain of seeing you with her
Is too much to bear and
I want to eternally
Shut my eyes from witnessing it

The ghosts of my past
Linger on and haunt me
And accompany me to the grave

The pain of my past
Beats down onto me
And I am crumbling under
The feel of
Worthlessness and
Self-hatred that overcome me

I feel as if suicide would be a
Release from the wound of living
A necessary extermination
Of myself from the world
Or merely euthanasia
From my own ill stated mind

My mind will murder me
Or I will murder my mind
Which will come first?
My mind seems to be winning

As I believe more and more how
Ugly I am
How fat Ive become
How irritating,
Emotionally draining,
And annoying
My presence has been
And continues to be

The stress and frustration I
Inflict onto the lives of others
The heartache I inspire in those
Around me

The world feels as if
It will never be free
Never be free of me

The world will be better off
When I am gone and the earth
Has consumed me in its
Depths
Hiding the memory of me
Protecting others from the trauma of
My existence

Truly, my death would be
The celebration
Of my birth
Finally passing

A sign that the storm is over
For me
And for you

If you are honest
You would admit
Life would be easier without me