"I Am"

February 16, 2010
I am a very curious and anxious child, almost to a fault.
I wonder exactly how the world works, right down to the very last bug.
I hear my personalities plan my entire existence before me in a shocking mock trial.
I see doubt and limited stability in the next few years of my life.
I want to love and be loved, just for the sake of experiencing it.
I am a very curious and anxious child, bringing much suffering to my already demented psyche.

I pretend that I'm "real", but all I really am is just a scarred face behind many intricate masks.
I feel nothing; nothing moves this shriveled and deadened heart.
I touch my soul, watching its cloudy, aqueous substance ripple away, ashamed of what is has become.
I worry that I'm not good enough for anybody or anything, engulfing me into a fiery pit of eternal hell.
I cry inside myself everytime I see my reflection-Hello? Who is this?
I am a very curious and anxious child, which is driving me a bit mad inside.

I understand that everyone thinks and looks differently, but why hide it?
I say nothing and just laugh nervously as time passes by and the whips of pain become more unbearable to this dime-sized person.
I dream that one day the thread that attaches my limbs to the cruel puppet controller will be broken once and for all.
I try to understand people and their stupid actions; why would you want to hurt other people so badly when you run from pain yourself?
I hope that one day I will be truly happy, not emotionless and generic.
I am a very curious and anxious child, and I think I see a white light beyond the darkened clouds.

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