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I pleaded with you as you took a sip,
You told me you’d be fine with your hand on your hip.
I continue to cry and stand at the door,
I watch your car until I can see it no more.
I quietly hiccup and pick up the phone,
I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.
I dialed your number and held back my cough,
More tears came when I realized your phone was off.
I tried not to worry; I tried not to think,
I tried not to focus on the bottles by the sink.
I sat at the table and played with my thumbs,
All I could ask myself is “How could I be so dumb?”
I sat there for hours just pondering,
“Will he come home?” was the thought I was wondering.
My heart felt heavy and my head felt light,
My chest started pounding when I saw the lights so bright.
I prayed and prayed that it would be you,
But when I heard the footsteps, I knew.
I tried to appear calm as I turned the knob,
But when I saw the officers, I let out a sob.
The officers said they were as sorry as could be,
In a matter of hours, I had lost all that mattered to me.
They asked me to come with them to their car,
They said we wouldn’t be traveling very far.
I said nothing while they fiddled with the radio,
I could only stare when I saw the red Camaro.
The windshield was smashed and I saw the glass,
I paid no attention to the cars that went past.
The officers tried to hold me back from you,
But in my mind, I knew what I had to do.
I picked up your head and laid it in my lap,
I forced myself to believe you were taking a nap.
The officers said the glass went straight to your brain,
At least it was not long that you were in pain.
My tears fell like rain upon your chest,
I blame myself for not doing what was best.
The officers told me they had to take you away,
I cried out that I needed you to stay.
I took your hand in mine and sighed,
I knew your spirit was somewhere in the sky.
Back in the car, I fell asleep,
Your wallet and locket I decided to keep.
When I awoke, it was in a white room,
I noticed while you lay there that you had been groomed.
Your face looked so peaceful and pale,
While mine was flushed and I was going through hell.
The doctor came in and gave me a hug,
They didn’t know if they wanted to pull the plug.
They pulled out a picture they found in your pocket,
I cried once more and squeezed your locket.
The picture was us holding hands on the beach,
I pictured our little heaven, now out of reach.
I stroked your hand and knew it was time to let go,
I once more kissed those lips, now white as snow.
The doctor pulled me gently from the bed,
“You’ve done the best you can,” was all he said.
I stood at the door and let the tears fall,
I can’t believe that I just lost my all.
The officers came and stood beside me,
They tried to block my view, but I could still see.
The bandages were removed and I saw bright red,
I was pushed back when I tried getting to the bed.
The doctors wouldn’t listen to my pleas,
In that moment, I decided to flee.
I ran down the hall with sobs so loud,
I pushed and pushed through the forming crowd.
I hated myself because I couldn’t make you stop,
Why didn’t I throw away every last drop?
I came outside and sat on the concrete,
Cars were going by on the busy street.
I noticed a stone lying by my shoe,
It reminded me of your eyes, which used to shine blue.
I looked to the sky and saw the many stars,
I remember how we used to stare at them laying on your car.
A sudden feeling came over me and I smiled,
Even though it felt as if our distance was over a thousand miles.
I remember the day that I fell in love with you,
I remember how every promise you made came true.
I know you’re going to remain with me,
And that you’re waiting at our heaven by the sea.
Your dreams may now indeed be smashed,
All because of a horrid car crash.
But my dreams will still stand strong,
Day and night for you I will long.
And somehow, I know you are still with me,
And your death, as cruel as it may seem, was meant to be.
Even though it still kills me inside,
In your love I will always abide.