I know pain. I have known it since I was little. Physical pain, mental pain. I learned to cry silently when I was eight. I didn't want anyone to hear me, so I cried into my pillow muffling the cries of pain. I think about things at night and I allow myself to feel. During the day I hide my pain with a charade of happiness for the sun, but at night I let myself feel and be embraced by the moon. I don't want to feel numb all day but I don't want to be seen in pain. I don't want pity and I don't want to be the cause of anyone else's pain. I have gotten used to the pain and just recently I have started to feel the sun on my face and not feel numb. I still have my pain but now I have happiness to balance it out.
February 5, 2010