It is the gaps between the black clouds
I pray it will let me through,
Without the tarnish of tear stains on my cheeks.
Hair stands up on end as it wraps its cold arms around me.
Dilated pupils become more aware of light and of microscopic movement.
Knots in my stomach untie.

It has caught me.
It has consumed me.
I feel light and floaty and the earth is my mother
So natural and so exultant
Every cell of my being is smiling, tiny breezes whip by my ears.
All of my senses are peaking.

The center of my brain fills with blood,
I am falling and adrenaline fills my veins
I make fists as to punch it.
All I can hear is static and rage in my ears.
It is so loud, ear piercingly so.
Mouth opens and the room spins,
Out shoots words that should have never been said.
There is an all too familiar stinging behind my eyes.
My legs can't carry me faster
The tears fall, but I can't feel the wetness,
The numbing of my face happened long ago.
Body is breaking and my face distorts into one of which I don't know the reflection.

It is the gaps between the black clouds,
Will I ever stay up without crashing into sickness?
This contemplation shouldn't feel like home.
But it does.