My knees begin to get weak. i cant feel anything inside. im holding myself together because now its just me and i ran away from you but i cant run from myself. regrets fill my head. darkness fills my heart. because your the reason i used to smile. you were all my reasons. you were my all. and it hurts to let it go. because our love just wasnt enough. i that we pretend to be okay. laughing and smiling as we pass in the hallways. but deep inside we know its really over. and thats what hurts the worst. sometimes i see you in my dreams. and i wish they were real because nothing else matters but the way we feel and thats the moment that i know that what we have is never gonna leave my mind and i wake up with tears on my face, as i wipe them away i realize...your gone. and i keep reaching for you, wanting to hear you say my name...call me babe. but i dont know why...i cant let go. i look forward to the night. when its dark and i can hide from the rest of the world as i drift away. the only place where we can be together. silence brings me memories of you;;as does everything. broken promises. lies and arguments that i cant help but miss. given chances where i was always let down. but i still had faith in you every time. but you didnt have faith in yourself. i gave you my everything. i let you in... i begged you not to break me. but you did. im coming undone. i cant breathe. im stranded and no one can hear my screams. im faking a smile. i have no other choice. its like im falling 3000 feet from the sky and i hit the ground everytime but i keep jumping...because i want to think youll catch me. but you wont. you said youd be here so i believed you. you said youd change so i took you back. you said you loved me and it was forever. so i left. all i can think is dont speak. dont say you care. dont come back. please...dont call. i need whats best for me this time so im leaving. myself...and you and us and happiness all behind. for the better? none of this makes sense...its all unspoken. but it lingers in my mind. and i try to think of the good side but there is none. i try to find words...try to find somewhere to put the blame...but its all mine. did you think i didnt need you? because i do. did you think i was okay? because im not. none of this is right. but everything is so wrong. i need to give up and throw it all away. but everytime i do...i look at you and im back. so is the pain.
You said You'd Be Here.
January 24, 2010