Drunk Driving

January 30, 2010
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My vision is blurred.
My words are slurred.
M heart has stop beating.
The world has stop moving.
This can't be happening.

I hold her in my arms
Her body is mangled and crumpled in my hands.
It happened so fast.
A little girl just skipping by...
Why didn't she run?

" I am sorry." I mumble through tears.
" Please forgive me."
"It was one moment if I could take it back I would. - I am sorry."
I look at her. She was so young. Her eyes had such a viberant blue to them. Her hair blonde, with treaks of red runing through them.I wonder what she could of become if it wasn't for me. If I had just said no to that one drink. If I had just not of gotten behind the wheel.

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FadetoFluorescent This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 14, 2010 at 1:22 am
This is great work.
One thing you might want to do is break up the last bit via the enter key to make it match the flow of the rest of the poem.
Keep it up c:
alayapoetgirl said...
Feb. 13, 2010 at 8:01 pm
This is a great poem to remind people not to drink and drive, and it truly sends a powerful message of guilt from a drunk driver's point of view. It's almost as if they a REALLY speaking to me. I adore this poem, and think it was a great choice of topic to write on. If you get the time, check out my opinion essay on animal rights/vegetarianism
SilverDancer2991 said...
Feb. 11, 2010 at 11:05 am
This is so powerful. It touches my heart in a way that hurts, but its a hurt that reminds me not to drink and drive. This is beautiful... I think my favorite line is "why didn't she run".
katielynn21 said...
Feb. 11, 2010 at 7:26 am
This poem is sad but i really enjoyed it, you captured my attention. I like your style of writing. keep at it :)
maybe you can tell me what you think about some of my poems, sometime?
ShernayB. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 5:24 pm
This is very sad...
But its also very good.
This could be an inspiration to a lot of drunk drivers.
Keep writing
ellowsammiehere said...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 1:41 pm
nothing needed to improve it;
this was amazing =]
xxkennedyxx013 said...
Feb. 10, 2010 at 1:18 pm
this is very good..i felt like crying. i think this is amazing(: good job:P
CaptainFabulous. said...
Feb. 9, 2010 at 2:30 pm
really good so true
like others said there are a few grammer and spelling probs but overrall great message
read mine and give feedback plzzz??
Toni-Ann replied...
Feb. 9, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Thankss && I will :)
muddygirl117389 said...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 12:20 pm
This is amazing! It made me want to cry :( Is this a true story did this really happen to you? If so I am terribly sorry.... But this really was amazing one of the best I have read I think
Toni-Ann replied...
Feb. 8, 2010 at 5:02 pm
Ahhaa , no it's not a true story. One of those commercials about drunk driving came on and this popped into my mind.
muddygirl117389 replied...
Feb. 9, 2010 at 12:01 pm
OH OKAY :) I would of cried if it were but once again I loved it (: I with mine were as good as yours....mire havent been posted yet and I dont know. It makes me angry!
Toni-Ann replied...
Feb. 9, 2010 at 4:11 pm
I bett yours are better. I am not that good, just startedd, but I'll get better with time. OMGG, I know I hatee it I've posted like 15 things and so far only one has been approved.
Dandelion said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 4:54 pm
This is a very good poem at the bass. You should probably just read over it and fix some of the grammatical and spelling mistakes. Also, when you say, "... what she could of been," it should be, "... what she could have been." Besides these few minor errors, the it was an excellent poem with great emotion.
kellygurl365 said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 1:44 pm
i loved it i would length it and put a lil emotion in it
Tamara*Monta said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 12:43 pm
this is a verry great poem.... keep up the good workkk... if you would go read my poems and give feed back that would be great
*StandardToaster* said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 12:29 pm
wow great poem! check out my work? http ://www.teenink .com /poetry/all/article/168414/Heart-on-Fire/
ElleRose said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 11:10 am
this is very candid, i like the usage of dialogue. maybe clean up a few technical errors and break up the last paragraph to give it more flow.
other than that, nice job :)
Toni-Ann replied...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 4:20 pm
Thankss :) , I thinkk I mayy re-write. && Use some of the things you suggested.
Yasmin said...
Feb. 7, 2010 at 10:31 am
Wow , im really impressed dude :DD
this is greatt , And i really feel youu .
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