F*** You, F*** You Very Very Much

January 14, 2010
By , Des Plaines, IL
Upon the eve of a lovely day,
You took my heart and breathe away.
My eyes glazed over once my love was confined,
I no longer ached and or pretended that I was fine.
I remember our first date and how nervous I became,
I remember our pathetic first kiss and how it rained.
It’s as if these memories are forever embedded within my memory,
Leaving me alone and shrouded in all of our priceless used-to-be’s.
Every single emotion that breathed through my body when we were together still lingers and never left my delicate mind.
My hands still trembling when I think of you, best friend, and how you were my single greatest find.

I do recall the abuse and neglect,
But for some righteous reason I can’t forget.
We used to day dream about our future and about our little Madeline,
Now I cry myself to sleep and robotically reply that I’m doing just fine.
It’s as if you died and left things unfinished,
But looking back I realize I’m the one who was punished.
I earned myself a two round trip to the psych ward,
Threatening to kill myself and vowing to never leave, punishing myself even more.
I understand that you suffered too,
But you never showed it, leaving me confused.

I close my eyes and wonder if you remember my scent,
Or if you remember all the places we went.
Sometimes I think of you just to punish myself,
And like to think that I’m still loved.
I’m sure you’ve long forgotten me and moved on to other girls,
But thinking of my soul mate with another girl makes me ill, I want to hurl.
It baffles me that all of our promises that we made weren’t worth s***,
This breaks my heart all over again, I just want to quit.
At times I discover myself wanting to crack,
Then I recall it won’t bring you back.
I’m positive you desire nothing to do with me today,
My parents always loathed you anyway.

Blood “brothers” we called ourselves by trading gauges,
How come we didn’t realize how f***ing g** that was?
Drawing blood by shoving huge gauges in our ears didn’t keep us together,
Being your personal wh*** didn’t make you love me forever.
How foolish I was to think that by pleasing you it would keep you around?
Besides, you always told me to shut up and you constantly put me down.
How dare you use me when I was most vulnerable for your stupid booty call!
You didn’t even love me, not even a little bit, not even at all.

I changed my mind, because now I don’t miss you,
Because I’m no longer your babe or stupid boo.
You f***ed me up and pushed me to far,
You f***ing broke up with me in the ER.
Why should I even remotely want you back in my life?
Through all my therapy, medications, and strife.

Goodbye Nick, I’m no longer your Norah.
Looks like I’m also no longer your wh***-ah.

“F*** you, f*** you very, very much.
‘Cause we hate what you do,
And we hate your whole crew,
So please don’t stay in touch.” –Lily Allen.

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