On Turning Eighteen

January 13, 2010
By CRASHBROWN BRONZE, Countryside, Illinois
CRASHBROWN BRONZE, Countryside, Illinois
2 articles 0 photos 1 comment

The whole idea of it makes me feel
like I’m swimming in a river of lightning,
much worse than any thunderstorm,
a kind of pneumonia of the spirit,
herpes of the psyche,
a disfigured blind eye of the soul.

At fourteen, I was an Italian wizard.
I could make myself melt
by drinking a glass of potions.
At seven, I was a lieutenant, and at nine a surfer.

But now I am mostly at the door
watching the bright night sky.
Back then it never fell so forcefully
against the side of a weak tree,
and the chair never leaned against my bedroom
as it does now,
all the dark, red, powder swept out of it.

This is the beginning of loneliness, I say to myself
as I crawl through the big, black world
on my swollen knees.
It is time to say goodbye to the fantasies
that make me whole.
It is time to turn the first chaotic number.

It seems only yesterday I used to assume
there was nothing under my heart but flashlights.
If they burnt out, I would still glow
but now when I fall into the dark, depths of the ocean,
I drown. I suffocate.

The author's comments:
When I was around the age of 18, my life was changing drastically in many ways.

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This article has 3 comments.


EmC725 SILVER said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 9:53 am
EmC725 SILVER, Western Springs, Illinois
5 articles 11 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -e.e. cummings

This is such a great work! you have superior writing skills! They way you are able to put your feelings into words is phenomenal!

EmC725 SILVER said...
on Apr. 13 2010 at 9:50 am
EmC725 SILVER, Western Springs, Illinois
5 articles 11 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -e.e. cummings

very powerful! nice one!

marylouise said...
on Apr. 12 2010 at 6:57 pm
oh you poor thing! you battle a drinking problem!! lovely poem!


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