January 12, 2010
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People been asking me why I haven't ever really been mad,
Why I never let my emotions take a grasp of me and push me past what i first had,
Guess i'll come out and answer that answer that truthfully dad,

Theres a reason why i haven't laughed in a while,
And i feel like i lie every time i smile,
I cant say im depressed to the point where it affects me
And causes me to be deprived mentally
But i can say there are some things i been wondering,
And they seem to be over my mind just hovering,

These, moments of magic, where i shine and yet at the same time it seems so tragic,
Cause who woulda thought that life could be so problematic,
Trying to get my chance to be in the front row, to watch myself grow, and at the same time set an example for my bro,
While in my mind these questions continue to flow,
And they begin to change as i question my self on that on this world,
What will i bring,
And will i ever get a chance to even sing,
Is it possible that i will ever be crowned king,
Or am i powerless on what the world will bring, or what is happening
And everything i do wont mean a thing,
Can't help but wonder if maybe all this doesn't mean anything.

And my mind seems to be in the set repetition,
Caught in a condition where my thoughts are thought over and over but each time its like its a new edition,
And these additions are begining to push so much pressure on my mind,
Cause these answers seem impossible to find,
As Logic pushes things such as hapiness behind,
Wondering why things that you like and happiness are aligned,
But its weird cause you dont know why,
But why would you not know unless you dont really like what you tryin,
Maybe the whole time you were thinking this was your thing when you were just blind
And why we on this topic again, this ain't the first time,
I've repeated this so many times that i've memorized nearly every line,
And every time i end up not knowing how i can answer this without changing the subject or lyin,
And as i start to dig deeper into what im trying to understand,
I feel like i understand less and less of whats really at hand,
And whats the meaning of life if you dont know why you stand,
I ain't saying im sad though, im just saying i dont understand.

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