?How?

January 21, 2010
By VampiericRain GOLD, Amarillo, Texas
VampiericRain GOLD, Amarillo, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
Would you like a side of epic with that fail?


Your smile took me by surprise
Have you forgotten?
You had been loved by another
Who left with a flash of lightning.

He left you for her
Leaving you bruised and hollow.
Your empty shell remains untouched
Not moving, not caring, not loving.

Sometimes you worry
Is he all right?
But this thought leaves quickly
As though swept away by the wind.

But now that he's gone
You notice things unknown before.
Stolen glances, whispered good-byes
And small meanings unknown to me.

So, now, after all this,
How can you smile?
You had been loved.
So who was the lightning that tore you apart?


The author's comments:
This is what happened to one of my closest friends

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This article has 5 comments.


on Apr. 6 2010 at 7:02 pm
VampiericRain GOLD, Amarillo, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
Would you like a side of epic with that fail?

Thank you so much for commenting. It means a lot to me.

on Apr. 6 2010 at 6:05 pm
HiddenWillow SILVER, Norwalk, Wisconsin
7 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you're not closer to God today than you were yesterday, guess who moved.

Very nice.  I like your use of descriptive words to portray the feeling of being left by a loved one.  I also like the organized structure of your poem into stanzas.  That keeps it focused and helps the reader follow the poem's idea. 

A few things at the end...  Before the line "and small meanings unknown to me" I think a hyphen at the end of the previous line would add emphasis to the unknown little things that usually end a relationship.  This is my suggestion for the last stanza:

How can you smile?/After having been loved/Then being torn apart/By the Lightning who loved you.

I feel like the use of "so" threw off the flow of the poem. 

--HiddenWillow--


on Apr. 3 2010 at 10:02 pm
VampiericRain GOLD, Amarillo, Texas
12 articles 0 photos 137 comments

Favorite Quote:
Would you like a side of epic with that fail?

Thank you!

on Apr. 3 2010 at 9:07 pm
Roserietta GOLD, Ft. Madison, Iowa
16 articles 0 photos 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Did you ever notice how insignificant a single person is?" -Haruhi Suzimiya "Art is everything, and everything is art." -Me

Alot like the poem I wrote for my friend. I like this piece.

on Feb. 1 2010 at 6:11 pm
talia_is_happy GOLD, Amarillo, Texas
18 articles 0 photos 48 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who mind- don't matter, and the people who matter- don't mind."
-Dr. Seuss

You know more than you'd think.


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