January 21, 2010
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Why did I say it?
A painful thought
Crosses my mind and tears my eyes open
I breathe and slowly roll over
Nearly fall out of bed
5:16 in bleeding red digital numbers
Counting time
I decide to get up
Still in my faded pink polka-dot pajamas
I continue choreographing my dance for the next show
It hurts to think

Why did he do it?
A devastating question
An answer I don’t want
I burst out the door
Escaping my brother with his
Mickey Mouse ears and Star Wars sword
7:03 in a warning red
Ticking time like a bomb
I go to my friends house
She’s practicing piano when I call her
A song she wrote, beautifully sauntering around the room
Into my head
What a difference
Their dog greets me at the door with a loud bark
Poptarts in the toaster waft towards me, reminding me I should’ve had breakfast
It hurts to wonder

Was I helping or making it worse?
The cold shoulder
Nobody could get through to him
We run down the street
Almost trip twice
8:05 in screaming red
We decide to take the shortcut
She has to pull me out of the street and
Save me from a car
We make it just on time
It hurts to smile

Where is he?
He’s gone with my sanity
A reluctant tear rolls down my face
Slowly, in realization
I can’t get the words out
3:37 in a faint, throbbing red
I hear once more the last words I heard from him
They wouldn’t, couldn’t be true
A teardrop, blood
Must be
It hurts to cry

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