One Step MAG

January 21, 2010
By MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments

This dream
of mine

It's so
defined

As if it's painted on my hand
a map of uncharted lands …

But the
first step

It's what
has kept

Me away



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This article has 10 comments.


on Mar. 26 2012 at 12:28 am
ImJustAGuy BRONZE, Oakland, California
2 articles 0 photos 22 comments
this is great and i can relate so much too it!  keep up the lovely writing!  pleaseee check out some of my work, im a new and upcoming poet !

on Jan. 6 2012 at 10:47 am
Midnight_Hum SILVER, Hearne, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 48 comments
This is very good. Haha! This is kinda random, me viewing this, but I was rereading the comments on one of the articles of mine and saw yours. So I decided to check this out. I love how you give a sense of inner thoughts with this piece as well as a consideration for the future. The poem is somewhat whimsical and nostalgic but ultimately hopeful. I loved it. (Incidentally, this will probably be my last comment ever on Teen Ink)

on Sep. 23 2010 at 9:46 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Thank you!!! 

AsIAm PLATINUM said...
on Sep. 23 2010 at 8:48 am
AsIAm PLATINUM, Somewhere, North Carolina
48 articles 3 photos 608 comments

Favorite Quote:
"According to some, heroic deaths are admirable things. (Generally those who don't have to do it. Politicians and writers spring to mind.) I've never been convinced by this argument, mainly because, no matter how cool, stylish, composed, unflappable, manly, or defiant you are, at the end of the day you're also dead. Which is a little too permanent for my liking." — Jonathan Stroud (Ptolemy's Gate)

The Good:  This is fun and upbeat and unique.  Great job!

The Bad: Don't see anything!

The Random: Once again, love your spacing.


on Jun. 22 2010 at 11:11 pm
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Thanks!   

Layton GOLD said...
on Jun. 22 2010 at 4:14 pm
Layton GOLD, Abilene, Texas
13 articles 0 photos 4 comments
This is so awesome and unique! Love it!

on Jun. 5 2010 at 4:35 am
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Thanks for the great feedback! Over rhyming is a pet peeve for me too, but that doesn't mean I don't fall into its trap once and a while... I'm glad you liked the poem!

Fayrouz SILVER said...
on Jun. 4 2010 at 12:10 pm
Fayrouz SILVER, Fargo, North Dakota
9 articles 12 photos 364 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Only dead fish swim with the stream"

so true! your poem is very universal, everyone can relate to it whether they want to climb a mountain or go across the monkey bars for the first time. the way you break up the lines is relaxing and lets me read it correctly and the rhyme is subtle and it doesn't get in the way. i don't like overly-rhyming poems (i think they sound kind of pathetic if they're not good if ya know what i mean) good job and keep writing!

on Jun. 1 2010 at 10:27 pm
MayaElyashiv PLATINUM, Ramat Hasharon, Other
37 articles 4 photos 196 comments
Thank you! :D

JeanGrey GOLD said...
on Jun. 1 2010 at 8:22 pm
JeanGrey GOLD, Mason City, Iowa
10 articles 0 photos 258 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."-Oscar Wilde

I like it. Very uniquely done.


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