i was bored and i remembered how i felt when i was depressed, i hated even lliving, no one understood me, they judged me based on my past mistakes, stupid stuff id done when i was a little kid, i wasnt stupid, i just didnt care what they thought. i still dont. but it started to hurt about the end of 6th grade and went pretty deep last year in 7th grade. 7th grade was a dark year for me, i reer to it as "the time", it was a time of many emotions, regret, lonliness, anger, desperation, and this empty, gaping void inside me, i knew no one would ever love me enough to fill that void, no one was willing to venture within that ominous dark cave of nothingness. it hurt like someone could not ever understand unless they went through it themselves. i was alone. i was alone. then i went to church camp. it was a fuge combo camp at North Greenville University in Tigerville, NC. our whole youth group went, and it was the best thing ive ever done. if i hadnt accepted Christ when i was little, i wouldve done it there. at camp, i was finally filled, id heard about how people who accepted Jesus were filled with His love and passion and joy, but id never really experienced it, even after being a Christian for several years, since i was seven to be exact. but at camp, we learned about the Roma people, whom you probably better know as gypsies, a race of people who for so many years and so many centuries, have been beaten, shunned, and even driven from their own homeland. they as a people now are very mistrustful, wary, and withdrawn as a result of what happened to their race for so many years. when we turned to face the direction of the north, the direction of their country, and we raised our arms in prayer, just before we took the offering, i began to sob. i realized why God had let me be the way i was for so long. before, i had so often questioned my purpose in life, what was the reason i was here, to be everyone elses pincushion for their cruel jokes and taunts and uses? i sobbed because my heart was broken for those people, because i wanted to run to them, pick them up, and tell them about the One who saved me, about the only One who can save them. you see, God didnt let me get so far down i was willing to hurt myself, but far enough that i uncoincidentially know exactly how those Roma people are feelng. before, i didnt cut or anything, i understood the pointlessness, but i just wanted to... run away, get out of this place that hurt me so much, where people knew me, and i knew i wanted them to love me, i wanted so desperately to love them, to be loved myself, but i knew that i couldnt trust them, for what theyd done. now, i felt filled, completely filled with the power and glory of God, the One, and only One, saved me, and can save you from what youve become.