I've Never Been So Depressed

January 19, 2010
It was him; it was him I adored, it was him I wanted to be with, and it was him who said, “We need to talk.” Words I never wanted to hear roll off the tip of his tongue. It was like I just got scratched by 13 inch nailed cheetah on my back, and now I have a thousand long red scratches. It reminded me of the time he hit me with a twig but it still happen to leave a mark, this was unfortunately ten times worse. I went home and put on my baggy sweat pants, huge hoodie, and slippers, thinking I could be invisible if I was covered in all that clothing. All I could hear were nails on a chalkboard going up and down for the rest of the day. It was like I was eating mushy mashed potatoes that I would never normally eat because I absolutely despise any food that is mushy. I am not smelling the sweet red roses like I used to when I was with him; instead, I smell dead rotten fish everywhere I step foot. I might as well move somewhere with open fields where tornados come through every so often so I can just get swept away and leave my depressed emotion back in Arlington Heights. I’m so depressed it makes me think about the time we went to Chicago up in the Sears Tower, how much I should have just jumped out of the window and fell to the ground. I cannot taste the lemon drops I ate a couple minutes before he said that; t; all I can taste now is the sour taste like I just ate one of my mom’s homemade meals. I can’t think I can’t eat. All I do is think about him, and all I want to do is crawl into a pile of needles. I have never been so depressed. It was him; it was him I adored.

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