What am i doing? | Teen Ink

What am i doing?

January 19, 2010
By Anonymous

I told you the lyrics to a song.
i have held it in all this long
don't know where to strat
i know i have to say
my heart feels like a game you play

so many thoughts not enough breath.
i feel thoughts that suffocate me to death.
every night, its always the same routine.
shower then the pain and thinking to begin.
like this over and over again

hate the feeling of not knowing.
the blood won't stop flowing.
like a puddle on the floor.
no one to hear my screams
i know i've had a bad dreams.

messed me up so much.
always from the beginning
is it really raining?
oh, no its just my tears.
i see all my biggest fears.

i want to be alone.
so ill just break this phone
no calls....linedead.
i'm not going to put up the fight
for this may be my last night

no more pain, no more hurt
no more love, and no more flirt.
no more suffocating, no more suffering.
feel no pain, feel no movement.
i feel still and pernament

pernamently dissolved from the world.
i shall not move.
still now, nothing to prove
broken down form the lose of blood.
bury me in this mud.

lost in all this confusion
lost all my concentration.
on the things that don't kill.
where do i go from here
this is so unfair.

i wish i could say i'll make it through.
but my soul, my heart, my life, is just so blue.
don't know where to turn.
mind is bare.
seems as no one really cares.

down my arms the blood just runs.
so much pain, but not guns
i hate the feeling
fingers cramped to my face.
my legs have lost their pace.

ahhhhh. i scream
there's my heart pierced by a beem
from above to hold up high.
where can i go
that i do not know

all i need is something small
so i shall not fall
to pieces once again
hold me together b staples
no longly able.

stuck in place
skinned my face
i hear screams of you
for you have returned
but suddenly i've ben burned.

i try to explain
all my pain
but to you its still a game
you don't see anything
but beyond thet sting

what to do with this pain.
hurts everyday over and over again.
no release for these bars.
my heart i feel no release.
i will never live in peace

sing the lyrics to a song.
for i will never be gone.
always there
through it all
you will never fall

my body still, and al at rest
i knew i could never be your best
finally escaped from sorrow.
never back on top.
one little poke and POP!

there goes my strength and courage.
now throw my in the garbage.
i know that's how you want it.
ne painless, free of hurt.
but still never once will i flirt.

i'll try as hard as i can
i hope i can be that number one fan.
up above where the pain is free.
in.....out.....in....out....I CAN BREATHE.
but you look up from down beneathe.

what'd you say.
i can not tell
oops i just fell
five stories down
now i lay still on the ground.


The author's comments:
i wrote this when i thought more and more about when i was cheated on and i felt as if i was getting killed from the inside out.

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