Hide and Seek
I:
While I’m counting
To whatever
Number I’m counting to
Your hiding
I’m suffering as you do so
The pain so deep
To bare
The easiest life
Long tasks becoming
Impossibilities
As I never thought
They would
The moment of silence on
November eleventh
Is being held
The tears I’m trying
To hold back
The pain worsening as
I stand at the platform
Ready to give my
Painful memoriful speech
My mouths open but nothing
Coming out
Finally something but not words
A mouse-like-ready-to-cry squeal
Now unbearable pain
Unable to stand
I rush home
In my room
Lying face down in my bed
Thinking of all the memories we
Shared
All the times we spent with
Each other
I’m wishing I could go back to all of those times
For it’s too late now
All of the times we fought
I now regret all the times
I walked out on you
All the times I didn’t
Know how to tell you about
All of my firsts because I thought
You’d get mad and throw
Something
But you never did
About all the times I hid from
Mother because she was high
And would get violent with me and
You put up with her for so many
Years until she was sober
I miss you
I love you
I miss the warm heart
You had and you clearly showed
I miss the smell of your
War zone clothes
I miss your smile
But most of all
I miss the way you’d hold
Me tight up against your chest
When you would
Hug me
Before you left for work








II:
Walking back and forth in
The living room
I hear heavy
Foot steps
Then
Breaking glass
Then
A gun shot
Then
Nothing
It’s like I fell asleep
But never woke up as
A human being
I see nothing but
The brightest of
Lights
I see huge golden
Gates open as I near them
I’m seeing you
Three

Two



One
I found you
And all I missed
Is back in my arms
“I love you, dad.”