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The Storm



We stood, dripping,
in the mist of the pouring rain.
Her hair clung to her cheeks
as if holding her up.

A single raindrop landed
on her right eyelid.
She blinked, and the water mixed
with her mascara, adding

another stroke to the stripes
flowing from her eyes. She wiped
her face with the backside of her hand,
and I understood watercolors.

She looked up, our eyes met.
A flash of lightning fell beyond time.
The next morning, the sky was dulled,
as if we had used all the color.




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This article has 7 comments. Post your own!

little-miss-sunshine said...
Mar. 3, 2010 at 5:03 pm:
An amazing poem. I love the simplicity as Laughternchoclate said. The only thing I would change is you have one sentence being broken by a stanza:
She blinked, and the water mixed
with her mascara,adding
another stroke to the stripes
flowing from her eyes.
I understand you are trying to keep the length the same in your stanzas but try to avoid this. Otherwise a beautiful poem!
 
little-miss-sunshine replied...
Mar. 3, 2010 at 5:06 pm :
Ugh! I put spacing in the comment I left so you would see what I meant but it didn't show up! The space was in between the line that ends with adding, and the sentence that begins with another. But I guess you probably knew that as you did write the poem. Sorry! Lol!
 
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Laughternchoclate said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 7:23 pm:
Wow... this was just plain good. It's just that simplicity, you know?? It's like, it's simple, it's clean, and it's good. Keep writing!
 
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xtwilightx95 said...
Feb. 20, 2010 at 6:35 pm:
This poem was beautiful. I loved it and it had great detail. Keep writing!
 
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WriteForLove said...
Feb. 19, 2010 at 6:06 pm:
Hey thanks for commenting my stuff.
And omg, this is amazing! I love love love it! My favorite part is "and I understood watercolors"
that's so beautiful! Love it! Really!
 
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Nikiblue said...
Feb. 17, 2010 at 8:29 pm:
Thats beautiful, I loved it <3
 
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Pensive?Gurl said...
Feb. 17, 2010 at 5:49 pm:
dude! this is like the best poem ever! it's BEAUTIFUL (capital letters make it more meaningful) i L-O-V-E-R-S IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
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