I'm sorry

January 4, 2010
By , phx, AZ
I would like to appolagize to you all. My friends, my family, even my mother, but especially to you.
I've brought shame to our lives-even though im not the only one. Nothing was okay, but now i finally have something to say.
I use to prefer to be alone, until i had no choice.
You've been gone for over four years now.
Im sorry i wasted our time together doing things you didn't allow.
You were everything to me , i hope you could see.
I remember the night you said goodbye. There were no visitaion hours at the time, so when my mother walked in and i saw her face - oh god that look on her face. I knew it would hyrt whatever it was.
I lied in bed all night
through crack in the door i saw a light.
It was all a lie!
There are no happy endings just ones like these.
"Say your name an why your here plaese."
was all i heard, i wish I could run or fly away- just like a bird.
Suicide, all i did was try.
I can't remember exactly what I was thinking, only black and the tears i was blinking back.
You were gone - I was alone. That's all i knew.
Nothing left in the world for me to do.So I lie in my bed beneath the broken light. Close my eyes and try to picture your face, the way you were before you got sick.Death can be the best or worst part of life.
I'll be what you taught me, I'm sorry.You told me i was better than that. For a while i lost your voice, lost who i was, who i wanted to be. I wish i could've been there.I'm sorry, but i was being punished for my crimes, not only behind bars but in my mind. I can necer forgive myself for giving up the chance to see you one last time.


When you closed your eyes for the very last time, when you exhaled your very last breath, I hope with all my heart that you knew how much i love you and how much you ment to be. I know you loved me too.

--always





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