What It Feels Like To Want To Die

December 31, 2009
By Anonymous

Trying so hard not to cry
so i bottle up all my feeling deep inside
here, no one will find what i hide
below my dreams and my pride

Can't control the sadness that fills my eyes
warm wet tears roll down my face
as my feelings bubble and flow all over the place
i don't know why but i feel like i'm stuck in time

Cutting my wrists is the way to control the pain
and when that deosn't work i start to think about running away
when i'm around my friends i pretned to be happy
but when i go home it's like something takes control over me

Anger is what's controlling me and i become scared of what i might do
I'm afraid that i might hurt the ones i love
i can't keep living in this constant fear
Tired of the anger, the sadness, and all the stress

I wish i could tell my friends everything
But I'm scared of what they might think
I want rid of the pain that's hurting my friends and family
wishing, hoping, and praying for the best isn't working enough

Suicide, i thought of several times
Seems like the only way to get rid of everything
Striving to be perfect for my parents
It's all i do and it isn't me

I wish sometimes i could let everyone know the real me
but in doing so i might disappoint evryone i love
changing who i am seems so right to me
but everyone else sees it as being wrong

i want to let go
tired of holding on
of something i don't want
and isn't who i am

So when you ask me that question
do you know what it feels like to want to die?
I can answer with an honest yes
because for the first time i'm feeling that way everyday and night

The author's comments:
I wrote this when I was going through a extremely hard time in my life. I am a cutter and am still trying to stop but with some support and patience I can.

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