Bearing Scars

Sitting upon my throne
Pristine white, cold tile my cushion
Blinding florescence-
My choice of spotlight
My hymn is her voice, a soft drone
This place, so comfortable
Not alien territory,
my home.

Here my power is known-
Unleashed on myself
“I will step away.”
“It will be quick today.”
Mirror shows what I reflect.
Watches and scorns, pleads

Silent I must be,
She must not see.
They must not detect
This that I inflict
Upon myself
I promised I never would,
And then that I would quit
It shouldn’t be like this!

I once looked at them
And sighed, how sad,
how they would resort to it
Look at me now.
This face in the mirror,
that can’t be mine-
Happiness these eyes omit

Scars like marks on a calendar
Little reminders
For everyone to see
I wish not to admit,
but they are a part of me now
One that I freely chose

No, I am not proud
I do not boast and grin
I grimly accept
But try to get out
Get away from this sin
And stop the monster within.