Not Enough

December 27, 2009
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Maybe I feel like a poser.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe it's weird that I'm sitting here.
With my urban clothes and my ironic purple nail polish.
My army hat is sneering at you.
Can't you tell?
This isn't me.
I go to some stupid high school in the middle of a affluent suburban area.
Pining over some stupid boy 9 miles away.
Those 9 miles.
That's what we were.
That's how apart we are.

He told me I wasn't good enough.
I could never be IT
I could never be that
I could never be me.
Not the true me at least.

Maybe losing him was good
Maybe rejection was good.
Maybe his blue eyes lied that whole time.
That's what he told me.
It was the truth.
But I knew it was lies.

I wonder if he knew.
Did he know?
Did he realize?
Did I, did he realize how tired I looked.
How much more tired I look now.
The insomnia’s getting to me.

Or maybe its just lack of sleep;
Not enough time.
The dark circles remind me of that every day.
Not enough sleep, not enough time.
I never had enough time to say I love you.
Never ends. Never enough.

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