'Twas the Night Before Christmas (edited) This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

December 24, 2009
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'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
in hopes we could manage "Some assembly acquired"
The children appeared quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
while us parents seemed to face the evening with dread:
A kitchen, toy cars, and a bike what a hoot
And thanks to grandpa a train that refused to toot
We removed the tape and this was just the start
There's always that box with just one missing part.
"It's far too late for last minute replacements,
if this piece of crap doesn't work it goes in the basement."
I opened the bow and what should appear,
but fifty instructions, concise, but not clear.
We looked through the papers with a bit of a hiss
"The font is too small" "What the hell kind of writing is this?"
I turned the box over and the parts quickly fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail them so they stand.
Now nail that to the floor, Honey watch your hand"
And we as nailed and hammered, I knew for a fact
that all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
to keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
with "Assembly Required" till mornings first light.
We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
till our eyes became blurred and our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night wore thin
before we attached the last rod and secured the last pin.
Then placing the tools away in their chest,
we fell into bed for some well-deserved rest.
But I turned to my husband before I passed out
and said "This will be the best Christmas without a doubt.
Tomorrow will be full of cheer, let the holiday ring
And we wont have to run to the store for a thing
It's over. It's done. Every toy and decoration is set
For a perfectly wonderful Christmas I bet!"
The house became silent, with not even a peep
As we both began slowly drifting off to sleep
I suppose there's something to say for those parents self-deluded-
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!

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