2+2 is Not 4

By , Hadley, MA
Well, sometimes 2+2 isn’t 4
Sometimes explanations don’t make sense
And there’s always the chance
That the crier just didn’t want your input

Sometimes people ask for all the wrongs things
Sometimes they misunderstand why they’re here
And sometimes they just fall down
And give up completely

She’s a girl who counts her smiles
Because they can fit on a hand
She’s a girl who knows what’s fake
Because she’s mastered the art

She bites down on her lip when she’s nervous
She tries to talk it out when she’s frightened
She sleeps for days when the world’s too depressing
And she closes her eyes when she floats away

She always watches the clock
As if passed time will somehow heal
She always sleeps through the pain
As if it’ll be erased when she wakes

She’s trying to figure out
Where her brain went wrong
She’s trying to map out
Why it’s too painful to think

Sometimes she drowns
And sometimes someone pulls her up
And sometimes she feels like she can breathe
But more than not she’s shoved back down

She’s losing her will to persevere
She’s losing her want to succeed
She’s giving up at every turn
She’s waiting for someone to understand

She’s wondering why euphoria exists in the dictionary
Why people claim life is splendid
Why they smile and laugh
While she sits and bleeds
Well she’s a hypocritical mess
A self delusional confusion
She seems to ask way too much
But rarely will someone hear the screams

But the screaming will never stop
And she knows no one will ever know why
She knows people think
They’ve got her all figured out

Julie Julie Julie
They say it’s her name
What the hell?
She mine as well turn and respond

Is being crazy all that bad?
Is insanity the ultimate torture?
Sometimes she wonders if feeling crazy is not enough
Of course it only matters how they see it

It always screeches
“You’re not my parents!”
And it always screams
“This isn’t my life!”

She’s thinks it’s just too hard
Too much to battle the thoughts
So she sometimes gives in
Sometimes she lets them win

And when she’s baffled
As to who she could be
She thinks of the time when she was free
When the wishes and dreams were all alive

And when she’s confused
As to where she is
She thinks of the years when it was all okay
When each question arrived with an answer

And when she was young
Things just seemed to fall into place
But as she grew
Things just seemed to fall apart


When she was five
They used to stick her in a leotard
They used to plaster on the makeup
And when they turned on that spotlight
She thought the world was going to be hers forever

When she was eight
They bought her a silver flute
They used to teach her how to read music
And when they started playing
She thought that’s how life went

When she was ten
They threw a basketball at her
They used to demonstrate how to play the game
And when the whistle blew
She wondered how there could ever be more

When she was eleven
They tried to give her self esteem
But she threw it back
Because she didn’t think she deserved it

When she was twelve
They tried to give her some help
But she thought it meant she failed
She thought it wasn’t for her

When she was fourteen
They tried to give her understanders
But they misunderstood
She knew they focused on all the wrong things

When she was sixteen
They tried to give her reassurance
But she didn’t believe their words
Because they didn’t believe hers

When she was seventeen
They tried to give her nothing
And she took nothing
Because sometimes there is nothing left

Even if she says she’ll be alright
You can never be so sure
Even if she says she can do it
Maybe you shouldn’t believe her

Death isn’t an endpoint
But rather a state of mind
Death doesn’t occur
It lingers

She lost her life years before
Temporary was what they told her
So she continued to wait
But now knows the end result

One day she believes in God
The next she wonders why
Sometimes they tell her to pray
But she ignores their begging pleas

Maybe she focuses on the bad too much
But maybe they all just focus on the good
Maybe people only look at what they want to
Maybe the bad’s too much

It seems that hope is an illusion
In those glazed blue eyes
But the others feel joy
And never float up high

Sometimes people speak when they shouldn’t
Sometimes people get uncomfortable
So they fill the emptiness with words
But the words sometimes are not okay

So when you give out advice
Remember that it’s not what you say
It’s just simply
What you mean

It’s not right to be elaborate
It’s not right to sound intelligent
Sincerity, honesty, and respect shall always prevail
Simplicity just may be the key


And it’s not okay
To say you understand
When you and I know you don’t
And never will

Well people always tell her that things will work out okay
They push pat clichés at her all day
She wants to vomit at their optimism
And tell them positivity only gets you so far

Sometimes she’s screaming
“Don’t you understand?”
Because she doesn’t get answers
She just gets questions

Sometimes people don’t want words
Dead silence is sometimes all she asks
Sometimes the voices in her head are too loud
Peace and calm will never be caught

Well doesn’t she know?
That wishing and praying is not what you get
It’s what you wish against
That you get most

They say we’ll never know each other’s pain
They say we’ll never comprehend
But she knows that they can try
Trying is just too hard for most

Sometimes they don’t know everything
Sometimes mistakes are required
Sometimes people expect wrong doings
And sometimes people scream

She always ends up tripping
But people trip all day
And bringing her back up to them
Is like a snap of the finger

Their intense goal always
To bring her up to functioning
To make it so she’s breathing
To make it so she’s calm


What they’re waiting for
She’ll never know
What they think may occur
Does anyone know?

They always joke
To think of your three friends
“If they’re not crazy
Look at yourself.”

They think it’s so funny
They think it’s so smart
She sometimes thinks maybe it’s not that great
Maybe it’s not that hysterically funny

What is hysterical
Are her float aways
When her mind splits
And her heart skips

She’s hoping their lives will be good
But then again, who’s she to hope?
Who’s she to have the faith for them
That she never saw herself

They always beg her to play
She counts to twenty and goes off to find them
When she shouts, “I found you” with a smile
She wonders, “What do they think?”

Do they think life is always this fun?
Do they know life goes downhill as you grow up?
Do they know she’s aching inside?
Do they know she’s faking it for them?

She’s not one to speak
Because no one can comprehend
So she puts her soul on paper
And hopes someone will save her

Sometimes notes are pleasant
Sometimes they hurt your eyes
Sometimes people look up and smile
And sometimes they just look up


Sometimes notes are long
But they barely mean anything
Sometimes notes are short
But they mean just about everything

Well every day she writes the long
And semi-comprehension prevails
And only once she wrote the short
And blank stares was all that won

Well, they say it’s never too late
But she doesn’t hear correctly
Because how can time be retrieved?
How can the wasted be revived?

Sometimes people get disappointed
They always feel like it’s their fault
They always feel like maybe they messed up
Somewhere along the path

People seem to glide on by
They’re all just living it out
Maybe they just forgot
That the boy next door is crying out

They tell her
There’s a yesterday
There’s a tomorrow
And there’s a today

But she doesn’t understand
How the same day
That happens over and over again
Can have different names

She always says that they don’t understand
But maybe they should listen more carefully
Because what she is screaming out as loud as she can
Is that she herself does not understand.





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