You agonize over how this could have happened as you caress my cold and lifeless hand. It's ok, I don't blame you, and you shouldnt either. You never saw the pain I had, because I didnt want you to. You could never see the real me through the mask i wore so well. Only after we'd say goodnight, and the door was closed and locked would I allow the tears to fall. You never knew, that when you said 'good bye' that night, it would be for the last time. You never knew how many times I honestly wished I were dead. I never expected you to. You never knew when you said you'd love me forever, just how short 'forever' would be. How could you? I hid it well for all the years, from you and everyone else. You never knew, and that's ok. You weren't supposed to.