sleepless night

November 3, 2009
By , Rockport, TX
I'm sitting here
typing away
i can't sleep
i never can
i always have
things on my mind
things that block
my concentration
but what are they
what is it that keeps me up
that keeps me from falling asleep
is it that I've been getting
to much sleep?
Or is it that i can't wait
to have him in my arms again
to hold him
and to have his lips
softly graze mine
I'm so anxious
i cant control my self
or my emotions
i think I'm falling for him
he tells me i love you
and i tell him back
but is he just saying that
so that he can get what he wants
or does he really mean it?
I spend almost every minute
of every day with him
and i still wonder...
I know what he is thinking
and i can't help but to wonder
if that is to happen
or if he will get what he wants
and then just leave me
leave me all broken and destroyed
leave me to crumble
in to millions of pieces
or will he stick with me
and stay by my side
and be there for me
but what happens when
he goes off to collage
and I'm stuck here
with two more years
of high school
stupid school
when i go off to Europe
and leave him here
for twenty days
how can i know
that he's not going to
up and leave me
and break my heart
its been broken
and stomped on
and ripped to pieces
by too many
i fall for people
way to easy
i fall in and out of
love to fast
to easily
i get destroyed
that is when
i end up here
like tonight
staying up till forever
to scared to fall asleep
eating my weight in food
all junk non of it good
for me
I'm going to have to run
my little a** off so i can
stay in shape and not become
a huge a** fat couch potato
but what happens if i stop
eating and continue to run
i lose more and more weight
but then I'd be to skinny
like you say i already am
but i don't believe you
i need to be skinnier
is that bad
i cant get up to 100
i just can't
i can't i have to be skinny
if i wasn't skinny
i think i would die
but what happens when
i turn 17
i made a promise
should i keep it
but what if were still together
should i just up and leave
like i said i would
i don't think i could
i don't have the heart
to hurt him
and leave him for you
i couldn't
its not right
although i did make a promise
one i really did mean at the time
but then i was going to stay single
but then i meet him
and fell for him
i fell hard
but what happens
when i reach rock bottom
and i hit it hard
and get all 'emo'
and drop every thing
and just let my life
crumble away
till i have no more
left in me
and i slowly
fade in to nothing
i become a shadow
no one notices
because on the out side
I'm still happy Katrina
just a mask
that every one sees
a mask that fades
as soon as I'm alone
and i fall back
into that deep
big black hole
i can't come out of this
not till i meet some one
that can take me away
from all of this
can take me to a
new level
of sanity

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sparkofheart said...
May 13, 2010 at 6:56 pm
wow..... sooooooooooooo good! great work! keep it up
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