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breaking apart

By , pleasant valley, IA
Sinking. screaming. drowning. silenced.
Sinking. screaming. drowning. silenced.
Sinking. screaming. drowning. silenced.


[Say goodbye as we dance with the devil
Tonight.]

Blood stains my hands a shade of angst.
And everything exists in a grey shadow.
And I can read each and every one
Of the weak pulses that I pass;
Just begging Jesus for more time here.

The ciggarette smoke stills crawls
Through my lungs,
Leaving sooty footprints imprinted on the tissue.
And every bone feels broken beneath the
Skin I try so hard not to rip.

But sometimes my skin looks too
Smooth to be
Real.
And then red erupts from my veins and
F***;
(I've done it again.)
And the heavy breathing starts when
I realize that the bleeding
.May.not.stop.
And it's everywhere.

Every night, it hurts a little more
To close my eyes.
The dreams scare me, because they
Always seem so beautiful;
The strange floating feeling,
Trying to run across a road
And not having the
S t r e n g h to keep from falling in front of
The cars flying towards me.
Then my eyes open wide and
I swear I swear I swear,
I feel a tear on my cheek.

[They're only broken bones.]
So I'll keep breaking them. myself.
I'll pretend I can't feel it, and muffle my
Screams so you don't
Have to try to ignore them.


Pain is nothing when it hurts to speak.
I refuse to let you hear another
Word.

I refuse I refuse I refuse.




Because words are not nothing if there's nobody there to listen.

<3





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