breaking apart

October 12, 2009
By , pleasant valley, IA
Sinking. screaming. drowning. silenced.
Sinking. screaming. drowning. silenced.
Sinking. screaming. drowning. silenced.

[Say goodbye as we dance with the devil

Blood stains my hands a shade of angst.
And everything exists in a grey shadow.
And I can read each and every one
Of the weak pulses that I pass;
Just begging Jesus for more time here.

The ciggarette smoke stills crawls
Through my lungs,
Leaving sooty footprints imprinted on the tissue.
And every bone feels broken beneath the
Skin I try so hard not to rip.

But sometimes my skin looks too
Smooth to be
And then red erupts from my veins and
(I've done it again.)
And the heavy breathing starts when
I realize that the bleeding
And it's everywhere.

Every night, it hurts a little more
To close my eyes.
The dreams scare me, because they
Always seem so beautiful;
The strange floating feeling,
Trying to run across a road
And not having the
S t r e n g h to keep from falling in front of
The cars flying towards me.
Then my eyes open wide and
I swear I swear I swear,
I feel a tear on my cheek.

[They're only broken bones.]
So I'll keep breaking them. myself.
I'll pretend I can't feel it, and muffle my
Screams so you don't
Have to try to ignore them.

Pain is nothing when it hurts to speak.
I refuse to let you hear another

I refuse I refuse I refuse.

Because words are not nothing if there's nobody there to listen.


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