I remember when you told me what happened.
I tried to console you,
but I know my meager words didn't much matter.
I tried not to be selfish asking, “Why?” and “How?”
because I knew that would only add to your sadness.
But I was curious how someone so sweet and meek could end up vulnerable, weak, and in the hot seat.
As you looked at me,
but not really at me,
tears came streaming
and I could tell that you thought the dream was ending and the nightmare was truly beginning.
No one but you and her know.
Not your other two sisters and not your two brothers.
How in the world did you end up being the one to know?
I bet you ask yourself that everyday
'cause when you look in the mirror you see the reflection of someone just like her.
Now every time I look at you and her,
all I can see is red smeared across what I want to be perfect.
I look at your sister and I know I have to keep quiet.
It burns my flesh like the consequences of unprotected sex,
and yet I realize that's the reason I'm even writing this.
Because someone had a lapse in judgment...
I think.
But it doesn't matter how this happened,
it's happened.
And who I am to stand in judgment?
Although I know that a part of you resents being kept from the truth,
even though deep down inside you know she was just protecting your youth.
And part of me understands both of your points of view.
But I hurt to think that you found pill bottles,
and that's the reason she ever even told you.
You said God told you it's gonna be okay.
I can't help worrying though anyway.
It's so surreal, but I guess you know that better than anyone.
I just want to know why something like this had to come.
And it's not even that this makes me see her different.
It's just that I don't understand what she did that was so wrong to deserve it.
If I told a lie, would God be so severe?
And if I killed a man, would He do something like this to keep me in fear?
I don't know and I'm sure I don't wanna find out.
But this is incredulous.
I just wanna scream and shout:
“SHE NEVER HURT ANYBODY!
BUT YOU CURSED HER BODY AND SOUL.
ONE MISTAKE, ONE FALL FROM GRACE
AND NOW PAIN IS ALL SHE KNOWS.”
I promised you I would pray and I was serious about that.
This requires all the prayer in the world, my friend, and we both know that's a fact.
We said we'd be there...we'd always be there for each other.
But I still can't believe she has HIV and it's someone you love so dearly...YOUR MOTHER.