Hazy Feelings

By , Laguna Niguel, CA
I realize now, things I wish I knew before. Things I can't change. Who I am.

Of course this happens to everyone, but I feel affected slightly more...

Don't ask me why for I'll give no answer that satisfies.

I sit in my room sometimes and just stare at the ceiling...

I don't know what I'm waiting for exactly...it's not like Batman is going to break through and take me to Gotham City for no apparent reason...

I just feel as if I should be somewhere else. I'm out of place here.

I don't feel the same with any of my friends anymore...like I'm not really all there at any time.

I feel set aside by fate. There's something I'm missing and I can't find it.

No one truly makes me happy anymore and I fear the thought of letting anyone into my true self...even I don't know who that is.

I'm different.

I've changed too many times to really know who I am inside...

From the care free child viewing the world as a fantasy land.

To the quiet and awkward middle school girl with one true friend.

Then the popular girl that everyone loved.

And the troubled teen, hurting myself to let others know there was something wrong without words.

Who am I now?

The beautiful young woman, seeing the world as some place to go forth and adventure?

...in a way, yes.

Or am I the silent, insightful girl, wanting nothing but to be able to write and be left alone?

...another way, yes.

I can't see who I am because I've been shutting my eyes all this time.

I don't know if I'll ever open them again. I'm not sure I ever have.

I wander from group to group...

The Nerds

The Funny Kids

The Dramatic Ones

The Book Worms

The Loud People

The Outcasts

The Creative Ones

The Fiery Arguers.

I'm in every single one of these categories, unsure of which to forever be.

My guess is that I'll never find out.

So for now, I drift in this sea of faces I don't know anymore, and think to myself.

Or whichever self I'm thinking to at the moment.

You could ask me...


...but I don't know.





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