A Slumber, Eternal

December 5, 2009
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Like a caged bird, wounded in the heat of mourning.
(Stuck in the house, I feel awful.)
My stored laughter covers a multitude of depression and physical pain.
(I cover it all up with lame jokes, and silly manor-isms.)
A shaky smile, that does little to mask what lies beneath the surface.
(I smile despite what I’m feeling.)
The bell rings, signaling my end, in absent self-satisfaction.
(I’m not satisfied with my life as it is.)
I feel my breath, long held prisoner, slowly leak from my empty vessel.
(It’s hard to breathe.)
A smug smile reveals relief from the pressure, and the constant need to impress the selfish bigotry found in so many of my social circles.
(You know who you are, and I honestly don’t care anymore).
I exhale these words as I dismiss my childish need to feel safe and accepted.
(Again I just don’t care about people liking me anymore.)
My breath forms coherent sentences that my word could not express.
(My actions show this more than my words ever could.)
I should have died that night, unfortunately my struggle continues.
(I thought I was going to die. It would have been easier to accept.)
I never wished to die. I just want these haunting dreams to cease.
(I don’t want to die, but it would mean I could rest without my nightmares.)
I wish to sleep without this scene of death and helplessness pursuing me.
(I have the same nightmare over and over, and I can’t stop it.)
I know my time is coming soon.
(I feel like I don’t have long before I die.)
I don’t know when, I don’t know how.
(I don’t know how/when I will die.)
All I know is when it comes, I won’t regret a single thing.
(I won’t live my life in regret.)

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