Dear British God,

I aspire to be you,
In all of your British glory.

I love your proper ways,
And your debonair charm.

I desire to sip tea with my pinky out,
And eat tiny cucumber sandwiches with you.

I ask that you please serenade me,
In your spectacular British accent.

And that either you, or one of your royal friends,
Please knight me so that I can legally wear my suit of armor.

When I get in a car I belt up,
I do not put my seatbelt on.

I most certainly wait in a queue,
Not in a line.

I am eagerly awaiting the arrival of my Hogwarts acceptance letter,
But don’t worry I will keep the wizarding world a secret.

You are oh so proper and polite.
Please don’t change.

Sincerely,

Your Typical Awed American

P.S. Send my regards to Alan, Jude, Johnny, and Prince William